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  1. #1
    scruffy nerf herder
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    The Funk's undeniable Bible of Shaving...

    So, you are a roadie now... or have just fallen prey to the cycling society and have decided to shave. So you are reading this for one of three reasons.... one, because you are considering shaving, two, have shaved and are having... issues, or three have been shaving and want to hop on and give your two cents. Whichever way, this is the undeniable truth to shaving for men and I dont feel like typing this every single time someone asks about shaving issues. Follow these methods and I promise you a season of happy and smooth legs to impress the gals (or guys) at the office.

    First of all, why to shave... good freaking question. I think because Eddy M was actually genetically hairless and everyone wanted to mimic him... but seriously if you have to ask who Eddy is, you do not qualify to shave your legs anyway. Really, shaving is arguable as to why, but it is what it is... is it more aerodynamic... probably, but only slightly so. It is easier to clean those pesky newbie chainring tatoos, it does decrease friction when sliding in a wreck on pavement, it does make it easier to massage, apply lotion, and dammit, it just plain looks cool!

    Why am I writing this, good question... am I qualified? Interesting question. Im still not at the point where I can shave dry, like my wife, nor am I very fast, but... alas, I have nicely shaved legs without bumps, ingrown hairs, razor burn...etc. Plus, I helped one GIRL with some stubborn.... private area issues out with this technique.... (get your head out of the gutter)

    So here it goes, consider this your manual, and sooner or later you will get the hang of it.

    Step 1:Go to the store and get a few things....

    --A Gilette Mach 3 or Mach 3 turbo, or hell, Ive even heard they have razors out with 4 or 5 blades. Get one of those, belive me, you will reap the benefits of your investment.

    --Some kind of shaving cream, or hair conditioner

    --A good, nonscented, noncolored lotion

    --A loofah (tell them it is for your girlfriend or wife...)




    Step 2. Clearing the forest of the trees. Get your hedge trimmers, beard trimmer, head razor, etc and clear off all the long hair, most cyclists stop mid thigh, but some are horrified by the looks of "hair shorts" and go further up. Either way, the method is the same. Please follow this technique, cause if you try and shave the long hair its gonna take you a year and you will be sitting in the bathtub amid a sea of hair... do it.

    Step 3. Have Blade, Will Cut - Once you have the hair down to a manageable level, lets get down to shaving. Do yourself a favor and NEVER SHAVE with a SINGLE BLADED razor. Holy crap, thats a recipie for disaster. I do shave in the bath... yes a BATH, showers wash off all the soap/shaving cream and make it difficult to see what you are doing. There is a lot of discussion about what to use for a lubricant (insert rim shot here...), but honestly... you can use shaving cream, I prefer a gel, but honestly I have found plain old hair conditioner to work as good or better than anything. Soak your legs for a min, then coat them, and start shaving. Some people say shave down... blah blah blah, thats a crock of crap. Just shave opposite the hair, you will have much better results. Please note that your hairs will grow in differing directions, especially on the back and insides of your thighs... take your time and just get it right the first time. Be really careful along the front of your shin, on your achilles tendon, around your ankles, and behind your knees

    Step 4: Managing the Beast - regardless of what your issues (unless you are just cutting yourself), follow the following regimen RELIGIOUSLY and your issues... ingrown hairs, red bumps, dry skin, etc... will likely disappear.

    A. Every time you shower, loofah the bejeesus out of your legs. This is a process called EXFOLIATION. This is paramount and especially pay attention to the areas that are prone to the ingrown hairs.. insides of thighs, back of legs. Do this VIGOROUSLY, this will toughen the skin and exfoliate dead skin. I just use soap.

    B. Every time you get OUT of the shower (or bath), pat dry your legs and wait a few minutes, then apply a GOOD lotion, I use Nivea or Neutrogena, but Curel, and Vasoline brands are all decent, but get a lotion that has little color or scents, sometimes legs are REALLY sensitive to that.

    C. If you get up in the morning and your legs are dry, lotion again.

    If you get the little hairs groing under your skin, you need to loofah harder. Pick them out with a pin, or they will likely get red and look like little pimples.

    So, exfoliate and moisturize. That is the secret to maintenance. Plus, dont shave every day. I have found that every 4-7 days is sufficient.

    Best of luck.
    so sayeth the funk....

    Chris

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    "The RBR Lounge. You won't ever find a more wretched hive of scum and villany. We must be cautious."

  2. #2
    Moderatus Puisne
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    hrm, um. An embarassed 'thanks.' Didn't know some of that. Will probably help. Say no mo.

  3. #3
    Ya, what ATP said...!
    Reputation: Fogdweller's Avatar
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    The most comprehensive guide to male shavery I've ever read. Funk, you are a nugget...

  4. #4
    Ya, what ATP said...!
    Reputation: Fogdweller's Avatar
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    The most comprehensive guide to male shavery I've ever read. Funk, you are a nugget...

  5. #5
    In need of sock puppet
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    Quote Originally Posted by funknuggets
    Plus, dont shave every day. I have found that every 4-7 days is sufficient.
    .
    My wife starts complaining after two days of my stubble. I'd like to stretch it to 4-7, but that would diminsh the frequency of other endeavors.

  6. #6
    Done with winter.
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    I gotta get up the nerve to buy a loofa... oh man, this is going to be tough. I have no clue where to find such a thing, time to enlist some female help... "What do you want a loofa for?" (muffled giggles).



  7. #7
    BrooklynVelo
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    Quote Originally Posted by asterisk
    I gotta get up the nerve to buy a loofa... oh man, this is going to be tough. I have no clue where to find such a thing, time to enlist some female help... "What do you want a loofa for?" (muffled giggles).



    Funk is right though. A loofah is the end of ingrown hairs and razor burn. As to where to buy them, hit CVS, Duane Reade, Rite Aide, Bath and Body Works, etc... they should have them (either natural sponge or the syntehtic poof will work.)

    Great guide, but I would advize against shaving against the grain for the first few shaves. True you will have to shave more often and it won't be quite as close, but it will toughen your legs up to the idea of being shaved and keep the razor burn down in the beginning. After a while you can shave dry and pretty damn quickly. Just take it easy at first.
    Damn the Man, Save the Empire
    Brooklyn Velo Force

  8. #8
    Daylight Fading
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    You forgot to mention PIE.

    What, you thought that was dead? That has traction, baby. Just ask 128.

    BT
    "If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts." A. Duritz

  9. #9
    BrooklynVelo
    Reputation: daneil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eyebob
    What, you thought that was dead? That has traction, baby. Just ask 128.

    BT
    Low is right no PIE here. I apologize to the BC I forgot where I was, it happens when you've had the FLU for a week and you're a bit delusional.
    Last edited by daneil; 05-26-2005 at 06:51 AM.
    Damn the Man, Save the Empire
    Brooklyn Velo Force

  10. #10
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    No more pie

    This is the Beginners Corner for a reason. Please leave the PIE out of it. Funk took the effort to prepare this great "How to" This should be a sticky, just don't ruin it with PIE.

  11. #11
    scruffy nerf herder
    Reputation: funknuggets's Avatar
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    Well... Ive found

    that cream pies work better than fruit pies as a lubricant, but man it jams the hell out of your razors. Im thinking that there can be other things around that would be better used than a perfectly good pie, take condiments, for example, Ive found that ketchup works better than mustard, and does not leave a residual smell. Mayonaise is too thick and lays the hairs down.

    As for the 4-7 day theory, that just works for me and most mortals. If the stubble gets too bad faster than that, I guess I will have to prepare something more suited to shaving and maintaining shaved legs on a freaking BEAR.

    The only reason I wrote this is acutally cause Im tired of reading and answering all the questions that are out there. Its quite obvious that males know little about this so I have to do my part to help those with shaving issues. Im thinking of creating a comprehensive guide to cycling knee pain, but off the cuff, Im thinking it would be in the range of 15-20 pages minimum, so screw that. Id rather talk about grilling techniques and such!

    As far as shaving up, Ive never had any issues with it since adopting this technique. And believe me, back in the day of using disposable razors I needed every bit of help, cause my legs got chewed on more than one occasion. I even tried exfoilating with freaking SUGAR in the bath.... try explaining a bowl of sugar next to the bathtub to your college roommates... jeez.

    I guess the whole loofa bit has the potential for turning this back into that ugly metrosexual debate. But then again, what the hell havent we debated here. I like newbies, I want them to succeed and not be scoffed at. I want them to spend more time developing riding skillz and group etiquette than shaving... you know.

    On another note, Armstrong is gonna have big problems with Basso...BIG PROBLEMS
    so sayeth the funk....

    Chris

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    "The RBR Lounge. You won't ever find a more wretched hive of scum and villany. We must be cautious."

  12. #12
    a Freds Fred
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    Next weeks topic...Tampons or Pads?













    Sorry. I know it's in poor taste but think about it, grown men sharing beauty secrets. I mean c'mon.
    Last edited by Bryan; 05-27-2005 at 06:40 AM.

  13. #13
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    god, you're my hero.

  14. #14
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    Speaking of Metrosexual

    Loofah is for exfoliation. It's also a damn fine rub for the skin generally, works nicely on the feet and any other areas where the skin tends to die off and look like elephant's knees (ankles, knees, elbows, knuckles). Never have heard that they're a "women's" thing.

    Skip the Gillette Macho 3 razor. The best one for legs is the Venus. (Yeah, for women.) But it's designed for LEGS and marketed to women. Maybe they should make them in black, call them "Velo" and market them to cyclists.

    I like the gel shave creams, but once you're down to the skin, soap/water works fine. In the tub is OK, but I have a seat in the shower and can turn the nozzle off.

    Most razor rashes, irritation, etc. arises from low grade infections on the abraded skin. Razors scrape the surface epidermis and then bacteria gets a toe hold and irritates. Wash the skin thoroughly, and wash, rinse the razor before use. Don't skimp on sharp blades. The dull blades are the ones that cause the problems.

    Moisturizers do one thing. They retain moisture. Mineral oil works best for the money. Baby oil is basically mineral oil with some scent in it. Locally, the 99 cent store sells 14 and 16 oz bottles with Aloe. It's mineral oil, aloe, fragrence. Cheap, effective. I used it after swimming to keep the chlorine from bleaching my skin into parchment -- along with a loofah.

    Finally, don't be squeamish about "gender products" when buying this stuff. Men pick up the "feminine" stuff for their wives and girlfriends all the time. The person behind the cash-register could care less what you're buying. They're more interested in when their next break comes up. Pick up a huge package of sanitary napkins while you're at it, a couple pairs of panty hose, and a romance novel. -- See? They're mostly bored and disengaged.

  15. #15
    Palm trees & sunshine!
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    Quote Originally Posted by RodeRash
    Maybe they should make them in black, call them "Velo" and market them to cyclists.
    They'd also need to charge about $100 for the razor and at least $20 per blade. Also, they'd need to make several different weight classes in order for it to fly.

    Then, of course, you'd have the whole 'home brew' shaving cream thing going on.....

  16. #16
    Misfit Toy
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    The Velo razor - Ti or Carbon? You know, this could be a real money maker...

    Serious tip from a girl - I've been shaving an awful long time, and still have sensitive skin on my legs. They get really dry and itchy, prone to ingrown hairs. I can't use the loofah thing, its too rough. The only thing that helps is a lotion with alpha-hydroxy in it. I use Eucerin Plus. The AH helps with the ingrown hair problem and helps with the itchiness.
    It's all fun and games until someone ends up in a cone.

    Don't make me go all honey badger on your ass

  17. #17
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    No, no, it's like this.

    Velo Razor - Veloce : 54 grams, black composite, $25
    Velo Razor - Centaur : 42 grams, Al with adjustable blade angle, $40
    Velo Razor - Chorus : 35 grams, Al with weight-saving cutouts and 2-way adjustable angle, $65
    Velo Razor - Record : 25 grams, Carbon fibre, multi-adjusting blades and special protective case, $100.

    There we go.

    The shimano version would work similarly, but be a couple of bucks cheaper, and people would complain it looked like a fishook or something. Some would claim inherent design advantages to one or the other, but in the end, you should just pick the one whose grip fits your hand better.

  18. #18
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    Velo razor, carbon fibre and titanium blades --

    You know "metrosexual" gets 247,000 hits on google?

    Shaving changes the chemistry and biological aspects of the skin. With hair there's a little micro-environment and that all changes with shaving. That's why beards often itch when you grow one, and you get dried, flaking skin -- because the Ph, chemistry, and ecology of the skin changes.

    But if you keep shaving, the skin adapts and the bumps, irritation goes away. This works on the face, or the legs, etc. (Etc. ???)

    Now my question would be, when are you "qualified" to be shaving those jambs? You need to be officially a "racer" ??? What about some middle aged guy who rides seriously, but doesn't actually race -- I mean, you know . . . Ultegra, CoolMax, Izumis, and blade spoke wheels? If I show up at the pool with legs smoother than the lifeguard's (She's 19 and to die for!) are they gonna point and giggle in the hot tub?


  19. #19
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    Great thread! I vote sticky!!!!

  20. #20
    Palm trees & sunshine!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Argentius
    No, no, it's like this.

    Velo Razor - Veloce : 54 grams, black composite, $25
    Velo Razor - Centaur : 42 grams, Al with adjustable blade angle, $40
    Velo Razor - Chorus : 35 grams, Al with weight-saving cutouts and 2-way adjustable angle, $65
    Velo Razor - Record : 25 grams, Carbon fibre, multi-adjusting blades and special protective case, $100.

    There we go.
    Don't forget the $100 shaving cup and carbon fiber cup holder. That's a must have accessory that no 'real roadie' can be without.

  21. #21
    Ya, what ATP said...!
    Reputation: Fogdweller's Avatar
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    Any of you retro fans out there, I have some Campy single blade models from the 70s/80s, new in the box. Single blade, Ha! You scoff but these blades last 10,000 shaves and work without shaving cream. Make me an offer...

  22. #22
    Go Blue
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    Girls -- one way street for advice

    Quote Originally Posted by snapdragen
    Serious tip from a girl - I've been shaving an awful long time . . .
    Most girls/women that you know have been doing this for a long time. Listen to their advice and be thankful for it. HOWEVER, this is one place where advice should be a one way street. MEN, DO NOT GIVE WOMEN LEG SHAVING TIPS. I learned this lesson the hard way. My wife was tolerant of my decision to shave my legs. She even made a few helpful suggestions. But, after I had "mastered" leg shaving, I then gave my wife some unsolicited advice as to how she should shave her legs. Big mistake. I'll leave out the details, but the general theme was: "I've been doing this for X years, you've been doing this for Y weeks and now you think that you are an expert."

    BTW: I have stopped trying to justify my leg shaving to others the usual reasons/excuses. The only real reason to shave is for aesthetic reasons. When some guy is giving me sh!t for shaving, I just say, that my legs look better that way. Given that most such criticism has a homophobic edge, my answer usually short circuits their brains (i.e., they are loathe to say that my legs look good -- or bad). When a woman makes a comment, I just return it by asking why she shaves her legs.
    I try to be perfectly civil, until someone really pisses me off.

  23. #23
    "Cypress Gardens" Fl.
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    Lol

    Quote Originally Posted by Argentius
    No, no, it's like this.

    Velo Razor - Veloce : 54 grams, black composite, $25
    Velo Razor - Centaur : 42 grams, Al with adjustable blade angle, $40
    Velo Razor - Chorus : 35 grams, Al with weight-saving cutouts and 2-way adjustable angle, $65
    Velo Razor - Record : 25 grams, Carbon fibre, multi-adjusting blades and special protective case, $100.

    There we go.

    The shimano version would work similarly, but be a couple of bucks cheaper, and people would complain it looked like a fishook or something. Some would claim inherent design advantages to one or the other, but in the end, you should just pick the one whose grip fits your hand better.
    Man, thats funny...........I gosta have me a Record Velo Razor.
    Maybe in a few years you can get it off e-bay for $50. bucks

  24. #24
    Palm trees & sunshine!
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarkS
    Big mistake. I'll leave out the details, but the general theme was: "I've been doing this for X years, you've been doing this for Y weeks and now you think that you are an expert."
    I've had a similar discussion with my wife --- identical, in fact. Mine ended with "Well, judging by the number of cuts on your legs and the lack of cuts on mine...." That shut her up right quick. Of course, she had always expoused how face shaving was sooooo much easier than leg shaving, blah blah blah.

  25. #25
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by croswell1
    Man, thats funny...........I gosta have me a Record Velo Razor.
    Maybe in a few years you can get it off e-bay for $50. bucks
    Yea... maybe not even a few years.. I expect shortly after release a bunch of heavily discounted, very lightly used Velo Razor Record models on ebay with few or no bids....

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