Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 55
  1. #26
    Cat 6
    Reputation: chuckice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    4,583
    Quote Originally Posted by chuckice View Post
    I was in this place about 2-3 years ago. I'm an only child and it took a solid year just getting her all setup with medicaid, medications, doctors, homecare, etc. as she has nothing. I have her safe, clean, fed, daycare a few times per week, meds and most important in her own home. I setup a home monitor camera so I can peek in to make sure all is well and I call 2x/day just so she hears a familiar voice. Feel free to message me if you ever need any advice on the entire thing...and fwiw do look into namenda, nuedexta and exelon while it's in early stages.
    Mom passed away this past weekend...it's been a hard 3 years. The past 3 months had been much worse from a faculties standpoint. She had a heart attack last weekend and fortunately she went quickly, painlessly and in her home. 80 yrs old and never spent a day in the hospital except to have me.

    If there's anything I can offer for advice/input to anyone here on the subject please don't hesitate to ask. I only hope I can help someone going through the same....

  2. #27
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: Christine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    15,012
    So sorry to hear this, but am glad the circumstances were relatively agreeable. 80 does seem too young still!

  3. #28
    Cat 6
    Reputation: chuckice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    4,583
    Quote Originally Posted by Christine View Post
    So sorry to hear this, but am glad the circumstances were relatively agreeable. 80 does seem too young still!
    Thank you. It is but in the end this disease goes nowhere good...I'm glad she didn't end up in and out of the hospital and homes.

  4. #29
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: Christine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    15,012
    It's time, apparently. My mother has fallen three times already this month, and doctors can't figure out why. She's in an ADA-accessible apartment, but has trouble even with walkers, an alert button (that she doesn't wear ) and a wheelchair. She has a part-time aide, but this isn't helping.

    The last fall landed her in the ER on Saturday, so she's back to rehab for a while until we find a place. I'm a little bitter about it, since there's no apparent *reason* for the falling; she's been better mentally (conversations are easier), and without a diagnosis, it's impossible to know what to do.

    I'm starting to shop around for her next home. Rough times ahead. Should keep me busy in between jobs.

  5. #30
    Ricardo Cabeza
    Reputation: Andy69's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    17,454
    All my old friends are dealing with this now, as our parents are generally in their 80s. I am too, although dad has someone there to help him. He's got various degenerative health problems, all of which can mostly be kept in check with medication for as long as they need to be. He does have the start of dementia but it's pretty minor. He's going to be around for a while yet, but the worst part was how one by one the things he loves to do became harder and harder before he gave them up entirely. First driving, then traveling in general, then barbershop singing, then the lake house, all in the last few years. He doesn't leave the house much anymore. Watching it has given me a new urgency to do the things I've wanted to do but put on the back burner.

    As an aside, I've actually got the best relationship with him now than I've had since I was 10. Still not a typical father-son relationship, but I've learned over the years that he's just not capable of it.

    My oldest friend's parents are much worse. I've known them my entire life and they are like second parents to me so it's tough to watch. I stopped by last year with Mrs69 and the 69 kids and she came to the door and gave me a blank stare. I could tell she had no idea who I was. But I said "I have Marna's grandchildren here, would you like to meet them?" (Marna was my mother and they were best friends since before I was born. She died in 1977). She perked right up and I could tell all the memories came flooding back. I saw her again a few weeks ago and she recognized me immediately and I could tell she was happy to see me. That was great.
    Whenever the legislators endeavour to take away and destroy the property of the people, or to reduce them to slavery under arbitrary power, they put themselves into a state of war with the people who are thereupon absolved from any further obedience, and are left to the common refuge which God hath provided for all men against force and violence - John Locke

    SuperAndy's Garage

  6. #31
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: Christine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    15,012
    Aww that's very sweet to remind your mom's friend, and great that she managed to remember for the next visit.

    My sister's on her way to visit mom now. We're both frustrated that she's requiring treatment of a woman 10-15 yrs older for no apparent reason, but have to keep our personal feelings about it in check (it's a harsh accusation to say she might be doing this on purpose but we do wonder). We also don't have a typical mother-daughter bond, so the emotional component is probably atypical......!

  7. #32
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: Scrapr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    338
    Boy there are a lot of folks here in the Lounge that are working with this.

    Both parents are in Assisted Living. They insisted on staying with their PCP in their hometown. Who is a quack. He did what i call the clock test to see how far the dementia is progressing. Because he did not want to have a hard conversation he "rounded up" on the test He scored them at 17 out of 30. The kids knew they were worse than that. We had them tested in palm springs. They scored a 7

    Later that year we had the talk w/them about moving to AL. At first dad was "you're carrying me out feet first". Then we got them to tour a facility. On the way home Mom was telling friends on the phone about their new apartment. Absolutely agree on the meds. Get them on Namenda ASAP. Really helped both, but could have stalled the onset if done earlier

    Mom & Dad have both had falls recently. We had to bump Mom up to a higher level of nursing care this week. Dad will soon be over too. For reference that care is $9k/mo/ea. I'm glad they have the resources

    Funny story. Moms memory isn't great. I brought some flowers over for Valentines Day. I got call thanking me at least 4 times! LOL.

  8. #33
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: Christine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    15,012
    For reference that care is $9k/mo/ea. I'm glad they have the resources

    $18k/MONTH and they have it covered. What did they do for a living and where do I sign up?!

  9. #34
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: No Time Toulouse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    807
    My dad is 90, and living in a "memory care" unit that costs ONLY $5500/ month (luckily, he has significant assets). I haven't had a coherent conversation with him in 6 months, but they tell me he still has occasional moments of clarity (like during Christmas when he joined in singing "silent night"... in perfect German..), but I haven't seen anything since late last summer. Luckily, he didn't become a 'wanderer' or a cranky person (he was cranky enough in his adult life that I was really worried about that).

    In better times, he was an electrical engineer, and a MENSA member. We used to have long conversations/arguments about politics, etc., in which his argument, even if fairly extreme was always very logical. Today, he barely speaks. I really miss his old, cranky self.

    I know he tried to keep his memory going, by writing endless lists of thing like the cars he has owned, the places he lived and worked, etc. This was a man who used to have a photographic memory, and would do the Sunday NY Times crossword puzzle in under an hour IN INK.

    Today, I stop by once a week to visit him for about 1/2 an hour, and take care of a few of the little extras that the home doesn't do. I'm afraid to ask him if he still remembers my name. Part of me hopes he passes away peacefully soon, before he loses more control of bodily functions. When I see him today, I barely recognize him as the man I used to know.
    "L'enfer, c'est les autres"

  10. #35
    Fecal indicator
    Reputation: Oxtox's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    9,405
    after being only a casual visitor to my parent's house for 20+ years...a couple of days during the holidays was the extent of my contact with them, I found myself having to relocate my dad to where I live after my mom passed.

    I found a nursing home a mile from my house and got him set up there...it was an older facility that was a bit shabby, but at $6K/mo, there wasn't sufficient money to put him anywhere nicer.

    his dementia produced moments of intense sadness for me...he frequently asked me why my mom never came to visit him. I'd calmly inform him that she was deceased, he'd then become very depressed after processing the info. an hour later, he'd tell me that he'd gotten a letter from her and that she was on a long trip visiting relatives and would be 'home' soon...sigh.

    sometimes his condition would be cause for a little humor...my neighbors had us over for thanksgiving dinner one year and over the course of several hours he absolutely stuffed himself. I took him back to the nursing home afterwards and as we entered the facility, he urged me to take him to the dining hall because he hadn't eaten all day was very hungry...had to remind him that he'd been eating all afternoon...

    his reply was 'oh yeah, I forgot...'

    it's a horrible disease, thankfully he passed before he stopped recognizing me. that would have be hard to take...
    the 45th POTUS is inept, corrupt, and a pathological liar. and those may be his better qualities...

  11. #36
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: kiwisimon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    5,350
    Quote Originally Posted by Oxtox View Post
    ..............

    sometimes his condition would be cause for a little humor...my neighbors had us over for thanksgiving dinner one year and over the course of several hours he absolutely stuffed himself. I took him back to the nursing home afterwards and as we entered the facility, he urged me to take him to the dining hall because he hadn't eaten all day was very hungry...had to remind him that he'd been eating all afternoon...

    his reply was 'oh yeah, I forgot...'

    it's a horrible disease, thankfully he passed before he stopped recognizing me. .
    I'm doing this with a genuine smile on my face. Nothing wrong with your memory friend
    http://forums.roadbikereview.com/lou...ml#post5004168

    good story.

  12. #37
    Fecal indicator
    Reputation: Oxtox's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    9,405
    Quote Originally Posted by kiwisimon View Post
    I'm doing this with a genuine smile on my face. Nothing wrong with your memory friend
    http://forums.roadbikereview.com/lou...ml#post5004168

    good story.
    oops.

    shows you how fragile memory really is...
    the 45th POTUS is inept, corrupt, and a pathological liar. and those may be his better qualities...

  13. #38
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    4,325
    Quote Originally Posted by Scrapr View Post
    Boy there are a lot of folks here in the Lounge that are working with this.

    Both parents are in Assisted Living. They insisted on staying with their PCP in their hometown. Who is a quack. He did what i call the clock test to see how far the dementia is progressing. Because he did not want to have a hard conversation he "rounded up" on the test He scored them at 17 out of 30. The kids knew they were worse than that. We had them tested in palm springs. They scored a 7

    Later that year we had the talk w/them about moving to AL. At first dad was "you're carrying me out feet first". Then we got them to tour a facility. On the way home Mom was telling friends on the phone about their new apartment. Absolutely agree on the meds. Get them on Namenda ASAP. Really helped both, but could have stalled the onset if done earlier

    Mom & Dad have both had falls recently. We had to bump Mom up to a higher level of nursing care this week. Dad will soon be over too. For reference that care is $9k/mo/ea. I'm glad they have the resources

    Funny story. Moms memory isn't great. I brought some flowers over for Valentines Day. I got call thanking me at least 4 times! LOL.
    Alzheimer's is a horrible disease. I would rather die from almost anything else. My Mom passed away from it about 3 years ago. After she died my wife and I found a journal she kept. She realized she was losing her memory and she wrote down things she was afraid she would forget: my sister's and my names, ours kids names,important dates, even our dog's name. When we would visit, before she got too bad, she would pull out photo albums and explain to our daughters who all the people were in the pictures. Eventually she forgot all of us. At that point I just wished for a quick passing. She had watched my sister's mother-in-law progress through the disease and had told me many times she would never want to live through that

    My funny story: when my Dad died, they had a Navy flag ceremony because he had been in the Navy in WWII. When the Navy guy presented her the flag she said to him "you need to get him out of there!". He didn't know what to do

  14. #39
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: Christine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    15,012
    My FIL has a book he carries with him now, and keeps notes. He's starting to forget the names of his kids' spouses. It's part of why he reads so many science books- he's trying to keep his mind sharp with the challenge.

  15. #40
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: Christine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    15,012
    Turns out part of my mother's problem could have to do with the mini-strokes she had a while back. BUT the specialist in charge of that won't divulge much more than that, b/c Mom decided that she doesn't want him talking to us, and he's bound by HIPAA

    But why is she allowed to make those decisions with a stroke-addled brain........

    Oh well, today was fun, having these conversations

  16. #41
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: No Time Toulouse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    807
    Quote Originally Posted by Oxtox View Post

    his dementia produced moments of intense sadness for me...he frequently asked me why my mom never came to visit him. I'd calmly inform him that she was deceased, he'd then become very depressed after processing the info. an hour later, he'd tell me that he'd gotten a letter from her and that she was on a long trip visiting relatives and would be 'home' soon...sigh.

    ....
    I'm grateful that my dad and mom had a 'cantankerous' relationship. Somehow I doubt he misses her that much...
    "L'enfer, c'est les autres"

  17. #42
    Frog Whisperer
    Reputation: Touch0Gray's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    38,933
    Quote Originally Posted by Christine View Post
    Turns out part of my mother's problem could have to do with the mini-strokes she had a while back. BUT the specialist in charge of that won't divulge much more than that, b/c Mom decided that she doesn't want him talking to us, and he's bound by HIPAA

    But why is she allowed to make those decisions with a stroke-addled brain........

    Oh well, today was fun, having these conversations
    Actually, that can be changed, been thete, done that with my mother in law.
    Of course I'm sure...that doesn't mean I'm right.....

    "There's no sense being stupid unless you show it."

    "that was like trying to teach a goldfish how to play basketball over the phone."

  18. #43
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: Christine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    15,012
    Quote Originally Posted by Touch0Gray View Post
    Actually, that can be changed, been thete, done that with my mother in law.
    Through power of attorney or something?

  19. #44
    Frog Whisperer
    Reputation: Touch0Gray's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    38,933
    Quote Originally Posted by Christine View Post
    Through power of attorney or something?
    Medical POA, Also you may have to have her deemed incompetent if she fights you on it.. SOMEONE, in the family needs to have access to the medical records. The doctor may be able to help you out with the steps you need to take..
    Of course I'm sure...that doesn't mean I'm right.....

    "There's no sense being stupid unless you show it."

    "that was like trying to teach a goldfish how to play basketball over the phone."

  20. #45
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: Christine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    15,012
    Quote Originally Posted by Touch0Gray View Post
    Medical POA, Also you may have to have her deemed incompetent if she fights you on it.. SOMEONE, in the family needs to have access to the medical records. The doctor may be able to help you out with the steps you need to take..
    Thanks, it seems that my sister is on it.

  21. #46
    Windrider (Stubborn)
    Reputation: Len J's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    22,010
    My kids know I don't want to have my body warehoused when my mind is gone. Total waste of emotional, financial and physical resources. IMO.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



    "Evil....is the complete lack of Empathy!"

    ""We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. " Aristotle

    No one is as bad as the worst thing they have done & no one is as good as the best thing they have done.........think of that when you feel like you understand someone.

  22. #47
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: BCSaltchucker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    1,359
    Quote Originally Posted by Len J View Post
    My kids know I don't want to have my body warehoused when my mind is gone. Total waste of emotional, financial and physical resources. IMO.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    yebbut that is the hard irony. The kindest thing you can do is inform your kids you must be 'warehoused' if you go demented. Because you make their lives infinitely worse if you insist on being kept by them at home.

  23. #48
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: BCSaltchucker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    1,359
    not much dementia in my family, luckily. Other than one great uncle.

    However I worry that I might be on track for it myself, at almost 50. I have developed my grandmother's propensity for anomic dysphasia and some slight memory errors. Like her I have difficulty recalling correct individuals' names. But also I find when I am typing text quickly, I will unconsciously type a similar sounding word than the one I intend. When I quickly proof-read I catch the error right away, but some of the errors boggle my mind. This is happening almost every sentence now, even in this paragraph I have substituted 'it' for 'is' and 'not' for 'now'. I've also been known to leave the oven or an element turned on, though I've had such minor absent mindedness since childhood. OTOH, my grandmother never developed true dementia, just the name dysphasia as far as I know.

  24. #49
    Windrider (Stubborn)
    Reputation: Len J's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    22,010
    Quote Originally Posted by BCSaltchucker View Post
    yebbut that is the hard irony. The kindest thing you can do is inform your kids you must be 'warehoused' if you go demented. Because you make their lives infinitely worse if you insist on being kept by them at home.
    Who said anything about being kept by them at home?

    When I'm gone mentally, I'm gone. Disposing of the organic shell is the right thing to do. I intend to relieve them of the responsibility. Ymmv.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



    "Evil....is the complete lack of Empathy!"

    ""We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. " Aristotle

    No one is as bad as the worst thing they have done & no one is as good as the best thing they have done.........think of that when you feel like you understand someone.

  25. #50
    pmf
    pmf is offline
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    4,301
    Reading this makes me feel lucky. My parents are in their early 80's and in pretty good shape. They've decided to move into a retirement home (or whatever you call those places). They're in the process now, and I think they're looking forward to it. It's not cheap -- $250k for a three bedroom apartment (no one gets that money back), plus $4k per month. If they go downhill and require more care, the price stays the same. Everything is in a living trust.

    My mother in law died suddenly a year ago. No will, and she'd been living in the same house for 30 years. My wife was an only child and the only heir, which made to no will thing easier. We spent days and days cleaning that place out, fixing it up, dealing with the legal details, etc. Took almost a year to get everything ironed out. I'm glad i won't have to do that with my folks. It was hard on my wife.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. The mayhem takes a toll
    By GTDave in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 07-04-2012, 03:08 PM
  2. Replies: 13
    Last Post: 07-15-2008, 06:07 AM
  3. tx toll road commuter
    By naawillis in forum Commuting, Touring and Ride Reports
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 01-29-2008, 06:36 AM
  4. Death toll in Iraq not the whole story
    By Bocephus Jones II in forum Politics Only
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 12-10-2004, 08:33 AM
  5. Dementia and voting rights/abuse
    By 128 in forum Politics Only
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 09-14-2004, 10:13 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •