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  1. #1
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    A lot to process

    My wife gave me some interesting news last night. First off I was adopted at birth. My parents were always open about that and I never attempted to research it further. A year or two ago my wife talked me into taking one of those DNA tests. She is really into family trees and ancestry.com. Apparently, Ancestry can match up DNA across their user base. A few weeks ago a women contacted my wife and said she and I might be related based on DNA. My wife shared some info with her (birth date, location, etc) and the women realized that she and I are siblings. She had spent time about 20 years ago doing detective work to find out about her birth mother. She has also tracked down 4 other siblings (there were 6 children, 4 of which were given up for adoption). She sent my wife pictures of my birth mother and some of her other children. My birth mother died young but my grandfather is still alive (he provided this woman with much of the information). I am not sure what my next step is. My wife wants me to meet her. Most of the brothers and sisters live nearly included one in my neighboring town.

  2. #2
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    A lot to process is an understatement.
    "That pretty much sums it up. I'm 43 and my max is ~178-180. If that HR chart was mine or Froome's, we'd be on the verge of death. But for you it probably looks like a normal workout." -TLG

    LOLOLOL

  3. #3
    Darling of The Lounge
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    Give this news time to settle in. I cannot imagine the myriad emotions running through your head at the moment. Feel blessed at the news that your family has grown, and at all the memories that you and your siblings will share going forward.

    Not to mention all the arguments centered around sex, religion and politics that will soon be bantered about at the Thanksgiving dinner table

  4. #4
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    Your wife wants you to meet her, but do you? Sometimes it works out well, sometimes it doesn't. I'd research the new family if it were me just to make sure I wasn't opening up a mess. I only say this because a friend had a similar scenario, and the new family ended up being trailer trash that tried to get money out of him out of sympathy and it took years to undo the stress.
    "I felt bad because I couldn't wheelie; until I met a man with no bicycle"

  5. #5
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    I was also adopted at a few weeks old. My wife has quite a fascination with the idea of finding my birth parents.
    I am on the fence, I would very much like to know family medical history but I am unsure about wanting to bring another set of Parent-Strangers into our life, let alone potential siblings.

  6. #6
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    I understand your interest in knowing if you have potentially other siblings,

    But begs the question as to how did this mystery women know that you might be related ?, based on DNA ?.

  7. #7
    hfc
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    Holy smokes, take your time on this one. Siblings can be a double edged sword.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by hfc View Post
    Holy smokes, take your time on this one. Siblings can be a double edged sword.
    Understood. The sister that I grew up with does not speak to me (money is at the root of it). I understand that there is some potential for this to go badly, but its also possible I could have a new extended family. My wife has spoken for the new sister on the phone and I think they have struck up a friendship so not going forward may not be a real option.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve B. View Post
    I understand your interest in knowing if you have potentially other siblings,

    But begs the question as to how did this mystery women know that you might be related ?, based on DNA ?.
    Yes. Apparently Ancestry.com does DNA matching and this came up as a close match. She knew my birthdate and the hospital from speaking to my birth mothers father

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaveG View Post
    Yes. Apparently Ancestry.com does DNA matching and this came up as a close match. She knew my birthdate and the hospital from speaking to my birth mothers father
    This sounds like an invasion of privacy by ancestry.com. Did you give ancestry.com permission to have previously unknown relatives made known to you, and vice versa?

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by SPlKE View Post
    This sounds like an invasion of privacy by ancestry.com. Did you give ancestry.com permission to have previously unknown relatives made known to you, and vice versa?
    I didn't, but I'm guessing my wife did

  12. #12
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    Sounds like your wife is pushing this and not you. I'd tell my wife to lay off and let me decide, if I'd have wanted to know I would have looked myself. At least based on what you've typed.
    "I felt bad because I couldn't wheelie; until I met a man with no bicycle"

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by nOOky View Post
    Sounds like your wife is pushing this and not you. I'd tell my wife to lay off and let me decide, if I'd have wanted to know I would have looked myself. At least based on what you've typed.
    yeah this, it seems you were pretty content with the situation before hand and now you have a big pile of pain dumped on you (not necessarily a terrible thing, but lots of confusion and unkowns). I'd be pretty unhappy about it myself... but then I'm not a family orientated person so suddenly gaining more family would be the last thing I'd want.
    All the gear and no idea

  14. #14
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    I'm not even sure why so much importance is placed on blood relationships. My own immediate family is more than enough to deal with! My suggestion is to proceed cautiously, be honest about your hesitation, maybe exchange some emails or simply friend them on Facebook.

  15. #15
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    Am I the only one who got 4 sentences into the OP and thought, "Oh, man. This guy is married to his sister"?

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by dir-t View Post
    Am I the only one who got 4 sentences into the OP and thought, "Oh, man. This guy is married to his sister"?
    Ditto.

    OP, make sure it's not a Aancestry.com scam. Usually, they ask for money pretending to be your long lost whoever...

  17. #17
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    Since your wife is so enthusistic about meeting them, maybe you should send her, alone, to scope them out. If they turn out to be a bunch of losers, at least it will save you the heartbreak.
    I'm upping my standards;
    Up yours!

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by dir-t View Post
    Am I the only one who got 4 sentences into the OP and thought, "Oh, man. This guy is married to his sister"?
    I checked to see if they were posting from Kentucky, but they might have moved.....
    anyway, I was confused too, but figured it out, but it could happen & I bet it may have had at some point.
    BANNED

  19. #19
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    Make sure you have your will/emergency care/etc. clearly documented.

  20. #20
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    [QUOTE= I only say this because a friend had a similar scenario, and the new family ended up being trailer trash that tried to get money out of him out of sympathy.[/QUOTE]

    I had a friend that the exact same thing happened. Also, the guy found his birth mother and she didn't want to meet him.

    On another note, a friend of mines best friend gave her father the ancestry dna gift because he always wanted it. Received it as a Christmas gift. A few months later his illegitimate daughter rings his doorbell. He claimed he didn't know he had her because his girlfriend left town. His daughter was devastated.
    "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." --A. Einstein

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