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Thread: Monkeys Direct

  1. #1
    Seat's not level
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    Monkeys Direct

    I have a pal who wants to start monkeying. He's on a budget and refuses to adhere to my advice suggesting a GOOD used monkey form Craigslist. As such, he's discovered Monkeys Direct. Has nayone actually bought a monkey through MD and how was/is it?
    Bad decisions make great stories - JP

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  2. #2
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    I don't know... the ads for Monkeys Direct are kinda disturbing.

    They insist that you really don't need to 'test ride' your monkey in advance.
    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did – peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  3. #3
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    Which is better the monkey...disc or rim?

  4. #4
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    No matter what monkey he ends up with, you can be sure it'll come with cheapo tires, and that they'll be too narrow. Or, too wide.

  5. #5
    What the what???
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    I've heard that with Monkeys Direct they sell monkeys so cheap you can strip the monkey... keep the parts... throw away the frame... and it's still a good deal!
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Opus51569 View Post
    I've heard that with Monkeys Direct they sell monkeys so cheap you can strip the monkey... keep the parts... throw away the frame... and it's still a good deal!
    you beat me...and they sell cheap Chinese made monkeys that are likely to crack at the joints and tend to explode in direct sunlight
    Of course I'm sure...that doesn't mean I'm right.....

    "There's no sense being stupid unless you show it."

    "that was like trying to teach a goldfish how to play basketball over the phone."

  7. #7
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    Screw Monkeys Direct... I'ma gonna stick with my LMS (Local Monkey Shop).

    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did – peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by SystemShock View Post
    Screw Monkeys Direct... I'ma gonna stick with my LMS (Local Monkey Shop).

    .
    you can screw Monkeys direct....but you might want to use some protection
    Of course I'm sure...that doesn't mean I'm right.....

    "There's no sense being stupid unless you show it."

    "that was like trying to teach a goldfish how to play basketball over the phone."

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Touch0Gray View Post
    you can screw Monkeys direct....
    Isn't that what the whole thread's about?:


    Quote Originally Posted by Chain
    I have a pal who wants to start monkeying.
    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did – peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  10. #10
    Sweet Potato Kugel
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    This reminds me of a story, a guy name Dameer-toos-ah, which is Somali for Abe Direkte, third removed and a second cousin's neighbor. As remembered, Dameer liked dirt, gavel and galore. There wasn't a moment where one could find a cleansed mark on his down tube, until he met Hygiejne, a Budapest soft tale. From then on it was a single track relationship with loads of frothing and frolicking in the boue.

    This forever shrink wrapped in my muistoja.

    What was the question?
    In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
    Ben Franklin -Tis curious and amazing to observe how distinct and independent of each other the rattles of this animal are, and yet how firmly they are united together
    -


  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eretz View Post
    What was the question?
    "When do your stories start becoming funny?"

    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did – peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  12. #12
    Sweet Potato Kugel
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    Quote Originally Posted by SystemShock View Post
    "When do your stories start becoming funny?"

    .

    I appreciate your emotions.
    In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
    Ben Franklin -Tis curious and amazing to observe how distinct and independent of each other the rattles of this animal are, and yet how firmly they are united together
    -


  13. #13
    hfc
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    +1 on the LMS unless you know how to put a monkey together on your own.You definitely need to know the reach of your monkey if you're buying online too. Or maybe it's stack, I always get those confused.

  14. #14
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    This thread needs some primate tunes!


  15. #15
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    Monkeys Direct is the reason that Froome got busted.
    * not actually a Rock Star

  16. #16
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    I can't buy a new monkey at my LMS though since they're all matte black. Whatever happened to the days of yore when Italian monkeys ruled the retail world and lustrous hand painted richly colored and chromed monkeys filled the dreams of skinny men in stretchy pants?

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eretz View Post
    I appreciate your emotions.
    I want to believe that. But I've been hurt before.

    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did – peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retro Grouch View Post
    This thread needs some primate tunes!

    True Dat!!!!!

    Of course I'm sure...that doesn't mean I'm right.....

    "There's no sense being stupid unless you show it."

    "that was like trying to teach a goldfish how to play basketball over the phone."

  19. #19
    30 mpdb
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    Monkeys Direct stuffed your stocking on X-Mas Eve... Twice.
    Last edited by beeristasty; 12-30-2017 at 09:52 AM.

  20. #20
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    grease those square monkey tapers
    Faith is pretending to know things you don't know

  21. #21
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    I think you should ask cxmonkey for his input, but I don’t think he visits the lownje often.

  22. #22
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    Does Monkeys Direct make good Monkeys????
    If your opinion differs from mine, ..........Too bad.
    .
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  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by MR_GRUMPY View Post
    Does Monkeys Direct make good Monkeys????
    No, not at all, but Monkalized and MonTrekey do.

    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did – peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  24. #24
    Matnlely Dregaend
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    I prefer being able to check out my monkeys in person before I buy one, so only sea-monkeys for me!
    “Bicycling has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world.” - Susan B. Anthony 1896
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  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrSmile View Post
    I prefer being able to check out my monkeys in person before I buy one, so only sea-monkeys for me!
    sea monkeys or see monkeys? (or maybe C-monkeys?)
    Of course I'm sure...that doesn't mean I'm right.....

    "There's no sense being stupid unless you show it."

    "that was like trying to teach a goldfish how to play basketball over the phone."

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