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  1. #1
    Maximum Gluteus
    Reputation: Gregory Taylor's Avatar
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    So I Was A Knight In Shining Armor This AM...

    So I was a knight in shining armor this morning, coming to the aide of a fair maiden in distress...on the bike path.

    And, oh, I did in in a very PC way, and even managed to be made to feel very, very old in the process.

    Riding in on the good ol' Mount Vernon Trail MUT this morning, I came across a young woman in her 20's who was in the throes of changing a flat tire.

    "Are you okay?"

    "This is my first flat! I've never fixed one before!"

    "Do you want some help?"

    "Oh, yes sir! That would be great."

    Sir?

    "Okay, tell you what. You change the tire, and I'll help walk you through it. That way, you will be sure to know how to do it next time."

    "That works."

    So she changed the tire, with some help and assistance from me. Unlike a lot of commuters on the trail, she had all of the proper tools ready to go. The proper deployment of tire levers were initially a bit of a mystery, but it made complete sense to her once the bead popped off. The rest of the change was a snap. Her tire pump was for the birds, so I let her use mine. It wore out her arm. I topped up the tire for her.

    "You might want to get one of those a CO2 inflators. Makes this part a piece of cake."

    "Good idea, sir."

    Sir. Really?

    Buttoned back up and almost on her way, she thanked me for helping her.

    "Thanks again for your help, sir. I'll be able to do it by myself next time."

    Sir!? (sigh)

    Sir it is, I guess.

    "No problem. We have bike clinics all the time down at the local Senior Center. Feel free to stop by."
    Yet another cycling blog...updated whenever.
    http://teamlardbutt.wordpress.com

    We inched our way up the mountain, kilometer markers passing like kidney stones.

  2. #2
    I ride in circles..
    Reputation: ZoSoSwiM's Avatar
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    No skittles?

    Good on ya for teaching instead of doing.. She's better off.
    ~ Long Live Long Rides~

  3. #3
    Power Napper
    Reputation: theBreeze's Avatar
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    You have a problem with politeness?? Obviously she was raised right. She didnt' call you "dude."

    Seriously, you earned karma points this morning. Don'tspend them all in one place.
    "When it shall be said in any country in the world, my poor are happy; neither ignorance nor distress is to be found among them; my jails are empty of prisoners, my streets of beggars; the aged are not in want, the taxes are not oppressive; the rational world is my friend, because I am the friend of its happiness: when these things can be said, then may that country boast its constitution and its government." -Thomas Paine

  4. #4
    is super good looking.
    Reputation: BWWpat's Avatar
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    She was probably trying to get you to introduce your self.

    How much does a polar bear weigh?
    Enough to break the ice

  5. #5
    Grey Manrod
    Reputation: Brick Tamland's Avatar
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    I have a confession to make: I no longer offer assistance to those on the side of the road/trail unless the rider is obviously in some kind of distress. I've given away tubes, levers and patch kits, and have stopped to assist with tire changes and the like.

    About a year ago, I asked a guy on the trail if he needed help with a flat tire. No tube, no patches, no tools. NOTHING. This was on the local mtb trail, and the guy was deep into the trail system. He claimed to ride the same trail "all the time." "I never get flats, so I never bothered to even buy any patches." I wound up pretty much changing the flat for him, because he seemed to be clueless. I did let him use my mini-pump to inflate the tire, and he complained the whole time that the pump was too hard to use. He was giving off a pretty weird vibe, too......as in maybe he was on some kind of government registry. The whole thing wound up being a huge fiasco, and I got home quite a bit later than I was supposed to be home. The wife was not pleased, and saying that I stopped to "help a possible sex offender fix his bike in the woods" somehow didn't make it better.

  6. #6
    Tactle-neck
    Reputation: FeedTheJoe's Avatar
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    Did she at least give you positive rep?!?!
    It's never about technique.

    catzilla: Flatulence + Megaphone + Cat on Fire = Dubstep

  7. #7
    Grey Manrod
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gregory Taylor View Post
    No... The look that I was rockin' this morning on the way to work was from the "older sex offender" collection. Orange t-shirt, messenger knickers, backpack, and.....gray hair.
    For a minute there.........and then remember that the guy I helped had no shirt and shaved his head.

  8. #8
    Maximum Gluteus
    Reputation: Gregory Taylor's Avatar
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    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by BWWpat View Post
    She was probably trying to get you to introduce your self.

    How much does a polar bear weigh?
    Enough to break the ice
    No... The look that I was rockin' this morning on the way to work was from the "older sex offender" collection. Orange t-shirt, messenger knickers, backpack, and.....gray hair.
    Yet another cycling blog...updated whenever.
    http://teamlardbutt.wordpress.com

    We inched our way up the mountain, kilometer markers passing like kidney stones.

  9. #9
    waterproof*
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    yer in the DC area... she might've been active duty service member... hence the sir treatment.
    * not actually a Rock Star

  10. #10
    corning my own beef
    Reputation: JustTooBig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gregory Taylor View Post
    So I was a knight in shining armor this morning,

    blah, blah.....

    l Iet her use mine. It wore out her arm.

    blah, blah, blah...
    I'm sorry, what were you saying again?
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    People who say, "Laughter is the best medicine.." have never been on the receiving end of a morphine drip..

    ноожеяз ай вщоw?
    -VaughnA


    A fool and his money were damned lucky to have bumped into each other in the first place.

  11. #11
    No hero that's understood
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    Did you let her rest her bike against your walker while she was making the repair?
    Often wrong, never in doubt

  12. #12
    Maximum Gluteus
    Reputation: Gregory Taylor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brick Tamland View Post
    I He was giving off a pretty weird vibe, too......as in maybe he was on some kind of government registry.
    Those are the kind that, if you don't help them, they hunt you down on your next ride. The next thing that you know, your earthly remains wind up in a duffle bag left in a locker in a rest area off of the New Jersey Turnpike.
    Yet another cycling blog...updated whenever.
    http://teamlardbutt.wordpress.com

    We inched our way up the mountain, kilometer markers passing like kidney stones.

  13. #13
    Grey Manrod
    Reputation: Brick Tamland's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gregory Taylor View Post
    Those are the kind that, if you don't help them, they hunt you down on your next ride. The next thing that you know, your earthly remains wind up in a duffle bag left in a locker in a rest area off of the New Jersey Turnpike.
    Yeah, but it's harder for them to catch me when they have a flat tire......

  14. #14
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brick Tamland View Post

    About a year ago, I asked a guy on the trail if he needed help with a flat tire. No tube, no patches, no tools. NOTHING. This was on the local mtb trail, and the guy was deep into the trail system. .
    I was "that guy" my first year of college on the local shop's MTB ride. I flatted with zero supplies and the cool local sponsored guy gave me a tube and let me use his pump. I felt like such a moreon that I've carried all the proper tools on every ride since.

  15. #15
    Maximum Gluteus
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    Quote Originally Posted by lampshade View Post
    I was "that guy" my first year of college on the local shop's MTB ride. I flatted with zero supplies and the cool local sponsored guy gave me a tube and let me use his pump. I felt like such a moreon that I've carried all the proper tools on every ride since.
    One of my riding buddies is notorious for his lack of mechanical ability. No one has ever actually seen him change a tire, and we have long suspected that he doesn't carry any supplies or tools.

    True story: my friend was on the Mt. Vernon MUT doing the commuter thing. One of our cohort met him walking along the path, rolling his bike, about 12 or so miles from home.

    Dude 1: "Mechanical?"

    Dude 2: "Yup."

    Dude 1: "What broke?"

    Dude 2: "Chain."

    Dude 1: "I've got a chain tool. We can fix it."

    Dude 2: "No you can't."

    Dude 1: "No, I've got the tool right here in my bag."

    Dude 2: "No, you don't understand. You really can't fix it."

    Dude 1: "Why can't I fix it?"

    Dude 2: "Because I don't have the chain."

    Dude 1: "....."

    Dude 2: "I got mad and threw the chain in the river."

    Dude 1: "Dude..."

    He eventually got home - they scrounged up a some bungee cords and used them to tow my friend down the trail.
    Yet another cycling blog...updated whenever.
    http://teamlardbutt.wordpress.com

    We inched our way up the mountain, kilometer markers passing like kidney stones.

  16. #16
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    I think she played the "I'm a chick" card and you took the bait...nothing wrong with that.

    I can't say I always stop and help people but I have often stopped and offered assistance from help with cycling stuff to helping a straned motorist on the side of the road. Never once did I expect a thank you or any compensation...I'm there to help. When compensation was offered, it's always...no thanks, just return the favor to the next person.

    you did a good deed. Sit back and have a beer now.

  17. #17
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: Christine's Avatar
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    Everytime I've had a flat, would try to change it myself, but the guys would all lose patience and somebody would take over the task. Husband included. So I remain woefully inept despite biking half my life.

  18. #18
    pmf
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    God, it sounds like my wife, although she'd never call you sir (I hate that as well). I make sure she has a CO2 dispenser and all the stuff to fix flats, but I doubt she'd be able to fix a flat on her own. I assume she'd hang out looking pathetic until someone like you rode by. She told a co-worker that having me around is like having a personal bike mechanic.

  19. #19
    hit it
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    Quote Originally Posted by pmf View Post
    God, it sounds like my wife, although she'd never call you sir (I hate that as well). I make sure she has a CO2 dispenser and all the stuff to fix flats, but I doubt she'd be able to fix a flat on her own. I assume she'd hang out looking pathetic until someone like you rode by. She told a co-worker that having me around is like having a personal bike mechanic.
    We might be married to clone women.
    Quote Originally Posted by Scotty2Hotty View Post
    But I'm not a douche. I'm awesome.

  20. #20
    Maximum Gluteus
    Reputation: Gregory Taylor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Christine View Post
    Everytime I've had a flat, would try to change it myself, but the guys would all lose patience and somebody would take over the task. Husband included. So I remain woefully inept despite biking half my life.
    That happens even when women ain't around. Some of the guys that I ride with will ***** and complain about how SLOW their friends change a tire. And it can get really ugly when you get to the "Duel of the Tire Inflators" part of the process. Everyone KNOWS that their particular pump/inflator is *the* coolest or fastest one in the group, and it is a point of honor if their pump isn't selected to actually fill the tire in question.
    Yet another cycling blog...updated whenever.
    http://teamlardbutt.wordpress.com

    We inched our way up the mountain, kilometer markers passing like kidney stones.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Creakyknees View Post
    yer in the DC area... she might've been active duty service member... hence the sir treatment.
    Bingo.

  22. #22
    ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡)
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    Quote Originally Posted by JulieD View Post
    Bingo.
    Are you her?


  23. #23
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gregory Taylor View Post
    Everyone KNOWS that their particular pump/inflator is *the* coolest or fastest one in the group, and it is a point of honor if their pump isn't selected to actually fill the tire in question.
    It's not the size of the pump...

    But yeah, mine is huge.
    I ride mostly in the honorable pursuit of being kissed on both cheeks at the same time by one blond and one brunette. But not redheads, they scare me.

  24. #24
    MB1
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gregory Taylor View Post
    No... The look that I was rockin' this morning on the way to work was from the "older sex offender" collection. Orange t-shirt, messenger knickers, backpack, and.....gray hair.
    You forgot to mention the robust posterior.
    Quote Originally Posted by the_dude
    these are better than i was expecting, and my expectations were already rather high.

  25. #25
    is super good looking.
    Reputation: BWWpat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gregory Taylor View Post
    Yes... The look that I was rockin' this morning on the way to work was from the "knight in shining armor" collection. Stainless steel breastplate, chain mail knickers, Quiver for my crossbow, and.....elegant long gray hair topped with a crown of solid gold.

    Fixed it for you. Or at least, thats how she must have looked at you after you saved her from the tire breathing dragon.

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