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  1. #1
    Lemur-ing
    Reputation: uzziefly's Avatar
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    So I need some advice/help/frying pan to head etc etc

    I've gotten into a slump recently, or whatever you wanna call it - losing my mojo, confidence, just not being bothered....

    It's not about life.

    It's more about, well, girls.

    Simple background - ok so there's this one girl who's a really good friend whom I'm crazy about but that's another story perhaps.

    Lately, whenever I meet any ladies that I might have any interest in, I keep asking myself - why would this girl be interested in me anyway? (in a way that basically says to myself, nahh, she's not keen).

    Another thing is that I keep meeting girls who aren't single and I click well with them. Like, really well. Some of them even end up being very close friends and people I hold in very high regard.

    As for the single girls, well, I do meet a number of them but for some reason, the ones I become interested in or at least, notice at an early stage, tend not to be single. It's like if I wasn't convinced before, I definitely am now with regards to this - all the good ones are taken and the great ones, don't even think they're not single.

    And for the single girls that I do notice and am interested in, well, I ask myself that question - why would she be interested?

    I don't have a problem in meeting people - guys or girls for that matter when it comes to social situations or events or parties and such. I'm used to meeting people since I have to do that every term anyway when some of the folks leave and when some new people come along etc. It's more of the problem that I keep thinking why someone would ever be keen.

    Furthermore, these girls (single) with whom I ask why they would be keen, well, they do like talking to me, hanging around and we do have things to talk about.

    Yes I realized, I also have this other problem of never knowing if a girl is interested and well, always dismissing it as "yeah she's not uninterested in talking to me at least but that's it I'm sure." This one time, when I was out with some friends and a 2 girls a friend of mine knows bumped into her at the bar and they started talking and we all introduced ourselves. My buddy swore this one girl couldn't take her eyes/ears off what I was saying and yet, I didn't notice. Instead, I was talking to her friend who was not single but said "you're the coolest person I've met since I got here."

    Just to put my friend's theory to test, the next day, we dropped by the store the girls worked at and I talked to them for a little bit. This girl suggests her friend gives me her number coz I was gonna be in Los Angeles for a few days just like she was as well. I AM clueless at times. (more so than not)

    This is cool coz I don't just look to meet girls to date or whatever but I enjoy meeting people in general and to expand my social circle.

    The main problems - I keep doubting myself (well that way, it sets me up to not really expect anything and not be disappointed perhaps) and I also can't tell if a girl is keen.



    So, what the heck is up with me? While I doubt myself in this instance a lot, I do know that I'm at the very least, a nice guy and can hold a conversation about a lot of things pretty decently and that I can make others laugh without much of a problem in most cases. But I ask myself yet again - so what? So can 152,371 other guys.
    Quote Originally Posted by tconrady
    If I can get some more tomorrow.... I thought it'd grow on me but I'm not feelin' it....wait..
    Allez United!

    Glory, Glory Man United, and the Reds go marching on!

  2. #2
    We have met the enemy...
    Reputation: paredown's Avatar
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    U r over-thinking this.

    First, do not self-disqualify.

    Lately, whenever I meet any ladies that I might have any interest in, I keep asking myself - why would this girl be interested in me anyway? (in a way that basically says to myself, nahh, she's not keen).
    Want to know how the idiots get ahead, get the girl? They are too stupid to know their limitations or too arrogant to care, and thus do not self disqualify.

    Second, do not choke!

    My guess is that your "success" with the gals that are already taken, is that you act more yourself around them (since you have no hopes of a relationship), and that when you relax and do not think all those thoughts (about making an impression, does she like me, etc.) your natural happy likeable self is naturally expressing.

    When you start thinking "POTENTIAL GF" u r choking...

    From your posts here, you come across as a thoughtful, funny and likeable guy. Girls are going to like you. So stay loose, don't stick the gals on a pedestal and do what you are doing. You'll stumble across someone soon enough.
    "Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." Reinhold Niebuhr

  3. #3
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: matanza's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uzziefly View Post
    I've gotten into a slump recently, or whatever you wanna call it - losing my mojo, confidence, just not being bothered....

    It's not about life.

    It's more about, well, girls.

    Simple background - ok so there's this one girl who's a really good friend whom I'm crazy about but that's another story perhaps.

    Lately, whenever I meet any ladies that I might have any interest in, I keep asking myself - why would this girl be interested in me anyway? (in a way that basically says to myself, nahh, she's not keen).

    Another thing is that I keep meeting girls who aren't single and I click well with them. Like, really well. Some of them even end up being very close friends and people I hold in very high regard.

    As for the single girls, well, I do meet a number of them but for some reason, the ones I become interested in or at least, notice at an early stage, tend not to be single. It's like if I wasn't convinced before, I definitely am now with regards to this - all the good ones are taken and the great ones, don't even think they're not single.

    And for the single girls that I do notice and am interested in, well, I ask myself that question - why would she be interested?

    I don't have a problem in meeting people - guys or girls for that matter when it comes to social situations or events or parties and such. I'm used to meeting people since I have to do that every term anyway when some of the folks leave and when some new people come along etc. It's more of the problem that I keep thinking why someone would ever be keen.

    Furthermore, these girls (single) with whom I ask why they would be keen, well, they do like talking to me, hanging around and we do have things to talk about.

    Yes I realized, I also have this other problem of never knowing if a girl is interested and well, always dismissing it as "yeah she's not uninterested in talking to me at least but that's it I'm sure." This one time, when I was out with some friends and a 2 girls a friend of mine knows bumped into her at the bar and they started talking and we all introduced ourselves. My buddy swore this one girl couldn't take her eyes/ears off what I was saying and yet, I didn't notice. Instead, I was talking to her friend who was not single but said "you're the coolest person I've met since I got here."

    Just to put my friend's theory to test, the next day, we dropped by the store the girls worked at and I talked to them for a little bit. This girl suggests her friend gives me her number coz I was gonna be in Los Angeles for a few days just like she was as well. I AM clueless at times. (more so than not)

    This is cool coz I don't just look to meet girls to date or whatever but I enjoy meeting people in general and to expand my social circle.

    The main problems - I keep doubting myself (well that way, it sets me up to not really expect anything and not be disappointed perhaps) and I also can't tell if a girl is keen.



    So, what the heck is up with me? While I doubt myself in this instance a lot, I do know that I'm at the very least, a nice guy and can hold a conversation about a lot of things pretty decently and that I can make others laugh without much of a problem in most cases. But I ask myself yet again - so what? So can 152,371 other guys.

  4. #4
    Lemur-ing
    Reputation: uzziefly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by matanza View Post
    Made me lol when I remembered your new motto in lawnje life.
    Quote Originally Posted by tconrady
    If I can get some more tomorrow.... I thought it'd grow on me but I'm not feelin' it....wait..
    Allez United!

    Glory, Glory Man United, and the Reds go marching on!

  5. #5
    Lemur-ing
    Reputation: uzziefly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by paredown View Post
    U r over-thinking this.

    First, do not self-disqualify.



    Want to know how the idiots get ahead, get the girl? They are too stupid to know their limitations or too arrogant to care, and thus do not self disqualify.

    Second, do not choke!

    My guess is that your "success" with the gals that are already taken, is that you act more yourself around them (since you have no hopes of a relationship), and that when you relax and do not think all those thoughts (about making an impression, does she like me, etc.) your natural happy likeable self is naturally expressing.

    When you start thinking "POTENTIAL GF" u r choking...

    From your posts here, you come across as a thoughtful, funny and likeable guy. Girls are going to like you. So stay loose, don't stick the gals on a pedestal and do what you are doing. You'll stumble across someone soon enough.
    1) I do that a lot. A very wise man told me this: Don't over think things and I've been working on that.

    2) I don't actually think she's a potential gf/etc type and choke actually. In fact, ok, maybe I sometimes think "I'd like to get to know her more/she's really pretty" etc but, I don't actually choke, ironically. Believe it or not. It's more of well, I just start questioning myself as to why she would be interested and I definitely don't assume she is (I never do this..). Also, I seem to 'miss the opportunity' at times I feel. Like, on the rare times I feel a girl COULD be interested or at the very least, have a shot, I sometimes don't know what to do or whatever.

    3) Could be very true. I mean, I've gone on a trip with a girl who has a bf, just me and her. And there're friends who took my hand to dance with me even when their bfs were there with them as well. But then again, I do have friends who are single whom I click with really well too.

    The problem I have is well, being dumb I suppose and also doubting. Dumb in that I can't tell and sometimes don't know what to do (and in some cases of course, choke). I am glad though that at the very least, I do manage to make conversation easily in most cases.

    And it's getting to me in that, well, there is this cool person I met recently and I was thinking of asking her out to hang out basically. But then now I start over-thinking about why she would... and then I go all - crap, what do I do?

    It's getting to a point where I'm practically not bothered to even try to ask anyone else I might fancy to see if they wanted to grab coffee or hang out or so coz I don't think they would be interested in that way. Or if I do ask them, I feel like I won't "try anything" perhaps. (Try anything meaning asking her out specifically or showing interest or so but just purely casual as friends like she's one of the guys)

    I definitely need to work on this coz my buddy told me this - "You seem to hang out with a number of nice girls, maybe even fall for one or two of them over the course of the year but you never make any move" and it's true. I've let a couple really good ones slip away coz I never did anything.
    Quote Originally Posted by tconrady
    If I can get some more tomorrow.... I thought it'd grow on me but I'm not feelin' it....wait..
    Allez United!

    Glory, Glory Man United, and the Reds go marching on!

  6. #6
    Failboat Captian
    Reputation: JohnnyTooBad's Avatar
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    Instead of asking yourself "why would she?", ask yourself "why wouldn't she?"

    /and what Matanza said
    "I'm tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am."
    -Paula Abdul

    Quote Originally Posted by ToF View Post
    What type of tang does it have?
    Quote Originally Posted by bigrider View Post
    The ones I made had a poo tang.

  7. #7
    Resident Dutchbag
    Reputation: rogger's Avatar
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    Been there, done that. Nothing helpful to add except that the gals enterprising enough to grab you by the balls and drag you to her lady cave are usually keepers. YMMV.
    Originally posted by thatsmybush:
    I can only speak for my self, but if Fergie wanted to rub her lovely lady lumps on me, I could play the role of "human stripper pole."

  8. #8
    half-fast
    Reputation: 10ae1203's Avatar
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    Alls I can tell you is you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

    paredown's right. don't shoot yerself in the foot.

  9. #9
    Lemur-ing
    Reputation: uzziefly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnnyTooBad View Post
    Instead of asking yourself "why would she?", ask yourself "why wouldn't she?"

    /and what Matanza said
    Hmm... Good point. Noted. I'll try and make myself more neutral then maybe.

    Quote Originally Posted by rogger View Post
    Been there, done that. Nothing helpful to add except that the gals enterprising enough to grab you by the balls and drag you to her lady cave are usually keepers. YMMV.
    So, what did you do during that period then?

    Well if she brings a whip and such, no thank you sir! Wait, that's not related.......
    Quote Originally Posted by tconrady
    If I can get some more tomorrow.... I thought it'd grow on me but I'm not feelin' it....wait..
    Allez United!

    Glory, Glory Man United, and the Reds go marching on!

  10. #10
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    Take initiative, don't be afraid to get shot down. It's been a problem of mine too at times.
    On a Dr Phil level, if you're questioning yourself, what vibe will she be getting?

  11. #11
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation: How now Mao's Avatar
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    Are you dangerous Uzzie? Be dangerous. I don't mean be a d*ck, but be dangerous. Many a hapless individual has had luck with women by not overthinking things too much.

    Also if she's peeling your skin off your face with her eyes, she's interested.

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