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  1. #1
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    what's the concensus on randomly getting in touch with old flames?

    Dear Abby
    I left most of my old relationships due to geography and not bad terms. I was recently doing a bit of google creeping (after a family get together and the topic of old GFs came up). I found some of my ex GFs on facebook or other professional profiles and they are spread around the world. Likely they haven't thought of me in over 20yrs so is there a huge creepy stalker factor involved or is it acceptable to drop a short email and say hello?
    regards
    feeling nostalgic but not horny in Japan.

  2. #2
    LWP
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    Tracking them down via google and getting in touch with them after that much time feels kinda creepy stalker factor to me... but with the disclaimer that I still haven't really cottoned to all of these new-fangled ways to find and get in touch with people. It may be a perfectly acceptable way to go about it in today's society.
    Crusty old farts are people too.
    - 10ae1203

  3. #3
    What the what???
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    I think it’s acceptable. To me, that’s part of what this whole interconnected, social media thing is supposed to be about.
    Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. - MLK

  4. #4
    Darling of The Lounge
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    I try to avoid drama in my life as much as possible. Reconnectioning a past relationship may lead to unintended consequences.

  5. #5
    gazing from the shadows
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retro Grouch View Post
    I try to avoid drama in my life as much as possible. Reconnectioning a past relationship may lead to unintended consequences.
    Yep.

    That said, a brief hello is not out of order. "Thought about you and decided to say hi. Hope all is well. " Keep it simple, and relatively neutral and friendly.

    People like being remembered well, so no offense should be taken. But in this day and age, I think the assumption is booty call, so try to avoid anything that connects to that.
    .
    Stout beers under trees, please.

  6. #6
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    Yeah, I was thinking more along the lines of QQQ suggested. Hi and hope you are well and happy to see you are having great success. (they are). I think 7,000kms of separation eliminates the stalker factor and I will most definitely not be dropping any double entendres. Worse case: they just dump my email. No harm, no foul.

  7. #7
    take on me
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    As long as you don't say stuff like, "It rubs the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again", you should be fine.
    .
    System: Fake news?? Trump is a Fake President™, for god's sake.

    Monk: I want to go like my Dad did – peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

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    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind.


  8. #8
    Pooped a refrigerator.
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    Quote Originally Posted by kiwisimon View Post
    Yeah, I was thinking more along the lines of QQQ suggested. Hi and hope you are well and happy to see you are having great success. (they are). I think 7,000kms of separation eliminates the stalker factor and I will most definitely not be dropping any double entendres. Worse case: they just dump my email. No harm, no foul.
    As long as you keep things to no more than this you should be okay. Twenty years will change someone substantially, so they may not be the person you originally knew.
    Ghurarmu shirkush’ agh azgushu. Zant ya apakurizak. Gűl-n’ anakhizak.

  9. #9
    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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    I received an email on Indeed.com one time asking about a skateboard I had for sale. The skateboard was posted on a forum, using one username and email address. The picture was hosted on Photobucket, using a second email address and username. My Indeed profile has my real name, and a third email address.

    To be completely fair though, the guy did preface his email with "Sorry if this is creepy, but..."

    I say go for it. But then again, last year at this time, an ex reached out to me through a different old forum than the one I mentioned above.





    ...Can anyone recommend a service to audit my online footprint?
    I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

  10. #10
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    Of course, seeing as the wimminz often change their names, and us men don't usually, it makes it much easier for the old GF's to find us, than us to find them.

    A while ago my serious University GF who dumped me forty six years ago and who I had no contact with since, found me on LinkedIn and got in touch. She is happily married and living as far on the other side of the world as you can get.

    We had a few texting chit chats about old times (which I had mostly forgotten), and that was it. Incredible the memory of events that the wimminz haz though

    So, I agree with the others that a friendly neutral hello is OK
    We just don’t realize the most significant moments of our lives when they’re happening
    Back then I thought “well there'll be other days”
    I didn’t realize that was the only day
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9yrupye7B0

    There's sometimes a buggy.
    How many drivers does a buggy have?
    One.
    So let's just say I'm drivin' this buggy...
    and if you fix your attitude you can ride along with me.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GekiIMh4ZkM

  11. #11
    tlg
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    Depends on how you left things.
    If she had a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) on you, maybe best to leave well enough alone.

    I have an old GF who emails me every year on my birthday. We exchange pleasantries. Then don't hear from her until next year.
    Custom Di2 & Garmin/GoPro mounts 2013 SuperSix EVO Hi-MOD Team * 2004 Klein Aura V

  12. #12
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    that's too often. The last time I saw this woman was in 1990, we kissed each other goodbye. What spurred this is we buried my mum a few months ago and as the beers flowed so did the memories and names from the past.

  13. #13
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    When I was a kid, this very popular movie came out: Born Free.
    This couple raises a lion cub. Or maybe a tiger cub, who knows.

    After it mauls several children, they have a poetic, misty-eyed revelation that the lion's destiny is to be a wild animal.

    So, they begin acclimating the lion to the wild. Then, one day it runs off.
    Cue the music, "Born free...As free as the wind blows....as free as the grass grows...born free to follow your heart"

    All of us viewers realized the theme: if you love something, let it go; if it comes back to you, it is yours.

    You cannot watch this without getting moisty-eyed.

  14. #14
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    It depends on 1) How much money they have, and 2) If you are in Prison.
    If your opinion differs from mine, ..........Too bad.
    .
    How would you like it if Hitler killed you
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  15. #15
    Seat's not level
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    Nothing wrong with a quick note. "Thought of you the other day. Hope life is treating you well. I'm happily married, and have a kid and 32 bikes. Have fun and take care.... p.s. I hope you arent' fat and unhappy.
    Bad decisions make great stories - JP

    Spring is here... snowflakes are melting.

  16. #16
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    So I sent a quick e mail and she replied. She even remembered my last name.
    So I think it's okay if you follow QQQs advice and you split on good terms.

    I read that Born Free book. It inspired great fever induced hallucinations staring at clouds when i was about 10. I saw a crocodile swallow a Land Rover being driven by Elsa. Wicked!

  17. #17
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    In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

    As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.


    Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.


    Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
    Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.


    The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.


    Probably wasn’t the same elephant.
    "I felt bad because I couldn't wheelie; until I met a man with no bicycle"

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by PJay View Post
    You cannot watch this without getting moisty-eyed.
    Or wanting to puke.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chain View Post
    Nothing wrong with a quick note. "Thought of you the other day. Hope life is treating you well. I'm happily married, and have a kid and 32 bikes. Have fun and take care.... p.s. I hope you arent' fat and unhappy.
    The moment you mentioned 32 bikes.. that crossed over into creepy

  20. #20
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    I think it's fine on FB, it's really the only thing FB is good for, seeing what all those people that you've lost touch with are up to and reconnecting. It's also a way that they can choose to connect with you that doesn't require too much effort in the connection if you know what I mean. I think a direct email is a little bit more stalkery.

  21. #21
    We have met the enemy...
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    I've had a few people find me on FB--and vice-versa. Usually it is a couple of messages to catch up, and no further contact.

    I think most of us are curious about how people we knew in the past are doing.

    I found one old (girl) friend that I was very close to by accident because she had completed a dissertation--I contacted her directly ("you may not remember me but...) and that was fine too. I had lost touch with her when she was first married and her husband was a bit of a dick--and apparently time had not improved him at all.

    A casual message seems fine to me...
    "There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."
    John Rogers

  22. #22
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    Hhmmmm, Facebook contact is ok, not creepy. Writing long letters composed of single letters torn from magazines and newspapers IS.

  23. #23
    a real member's member
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    Quote Originally Posted by tlg View Post
    Depends on how you left things.
    this.

    also, the way you left it and the way she remembers it being left may be two different things. don't ask me how i know.
    Yossarian: don't worry. nothing's going to happen to you that won't happen to the rest of us.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackfrancois View Post
    this.

    also, the way you left it and the way she remembers it being left may be two different things. don't ask me how i know.
    Her memory will be 100% perfect recall. I know.

    "If a man speaks in the forest and there are no women around, is he still wrong?"
    We just don’t realize the most significant moments of our lives when they’re happening
    Back then I thought “well there'll be other days”
    I didn’t realize that was the only day
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9yrupye7B0

    There's sometimes a buggy.
    How many drivers does a buggy have?
    One.
    So let's just say I'm drivin' this buggy...
    and if you fix your attitude you can ride along with me.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GekiIMh4ZkM

  25. #25
    Not Banned
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    most of mine reached out to me
    I must have done something right
    one nation, under surveillance with liberty and justice for few

    still not figgering on biggering

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