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  1. #51
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    I agree with CliffordK's viewpoint. There is no need to do group rides (where others are wanting to ride "competitively") or bring up the subject of speed / cadence. If the picnic idea is a pain to coordinate, just pick a bar/restaurant a few towns away and make that your goal. Cycling together and then sharing some food/beers/margaritas together is FUN...and will lighten the mood! Just don't over indulge, regarding consumption, or the ride back will be brutal

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by PBL450 View Post
    tailgunn, you have a hyper competitive, type A, over achiever GF. JD and Master of X... That sh*t doesn't turn on and off. It just IS. She's like this in more than cycling, you are just riding together so it's smacking you in the face. She's not clingy, she's hard as nails and freaking hates being second to anyone in anything. It's not you, it's just made worse because it's you. Wouldn't matter if it was hopscotch. I could likely write a profile of her father, maybe military, or mother... Either way, she has lived with nothing being good enough her whole life. So she kills things, does nothing half assed and is looking at expensive equiptment to close the competitve gap because she is looking to close the competitive gap by any means necessary. You are cannon fodder to this woman. If you plan on staying BF/GF (and I'm not so sure that has long term potential) then by all means separate for riding. If she wants to ride she rides in groups on her own. You ride and she rides. Maybe at some point you can ride (occasionally) together, like (as suggested) for a picnic or something, unless she gets fast enough... And watch out, she might. Listen bro, lots of people ride horses and love it, but not a lot of people like riding thoroughbreds. It's tough. They are high strung and dangerous. I know.

    She is too smart and competitive to patronize or have ride at some fake pace of yours. Don't even try. Find some things to do that she does. Learn from HER. Meet her family and spend time with them, you will learn more in a weekend than you could ever expect.

    If you ride together and you want to go, then damn it, go. Kill it. She is a predator, she gets it. She sounds completely awesome to me.
    --This is insightful, and worth considering. Some people are highly competent people, but feel very insecure about most everything in their lives. Usually, this comes from a parent or parents for whom things are never good enough, and every activity in life has to be for some purpose. You even see this in some seemingly selfless church volunteers: things have to be done right, and they may be intolerant of other people just doing OK because hey the world will keep on spinnin'.

    If any of this is close to being true, here is the good news: she is comfortable with you. People with this mindset are often pretty judgmental - they hold themselves and others to some obvious set of standards, and the rest of us just ain't there no matter how hard we try. If she has stuck around this long, my guess is she is very smitten, or maybe you are her next self-improvement project.

    Ahh, love.

    Man, if only I could instruct my wife on how to operate a road bike, and get her riding with me. The first time we rode a 40-miler together - a pretty flat course I have to say - she would not swap out of one gear she "liked" like you like an old sweatshirt or teddy bear or barry manilow. Then, she gets upset with me for talking during the ride, and not just riding around. Oh, well. She will sight-see around the neighborhood. That's it.

  3. #53
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    Wow. I haven't read this since my last entry... quite a debate you all have had. To answer some of your queries:
    1. I do not race, I ride for fitness and to challenge MYSELF. I usually finish group B rides in the top half and spend much of that time looking at other's leg muscles in awe.
    2. I don't care what pace she and I ride together, EVER. I am perfectly happy to ride with her at 5 mph or 25 mph. We don't generally do group rides together, and I have no expectations of her. If I want to kill it, I go alone.
    3. I am a divorced father of 3, two of them being twin girls but they are 8 and so far capable of riding their cute little bikes around the 'hood. Actually, one refuses to ride hers but I am working on that very patiently. My son is just old enough to start riding, and I hope that all 3 of us can share riding for the rest of our lives.
    4. I have tons of patience- just ask my children.
    5. I have repeatedly asked her what SHE wants me to do, how I can help HER, but she can't say....and when I ask her that, what I really mean is what can I do so that we can just ride and enjoy each other's company regardless of pace or anything else?
    6. Being in corporate mgmt, I have read about and been to seminars on emotional intelligence, but sometimes it can be hard to objectively apply it to love.

    It turns out that riding was a corollary or allegory for our entire relationship, which I ended a week ago Monday. Our personalities just didn't work and I am already happier, hopefully she will be too. Life is too short.

    Thanks for the advice and the mild criticism, both were needed. Thanks for not blatantly flaming me either. I do know that if I ever ride with an SO again, discussions of relationship/personal matters is off limits while on the bike. That was disastrous, because then you have no ability to separate and cool off when you've got 20 more miles back to the car.

  4. #54
    Talks too much, that is..
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    My take on watching this from the sidelines is that you are probably a great dad and just made the right decision. Good luck with the kids!

  5. #55
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    Thank you! I am a good dad, and that might be the only thing at which I am good, but I can settle for that.

  6. #56
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    I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out with your girlfriend.

    Being a good dad is probably the hardest and most rewarding job you'll have.
    While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions. - Stephen R. Covey.

  7. #57
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    Did you get to keep the wheels? This was a great saga to read, I went through many of these struggles with my fiance. I finally told her, eventually you can't be "new" to biking, this is your bike and you ride it. We ride together more for base miles for me and for her to learn basic drafting stuffs. Now she does a ladies group ride and complains they are too slow. Next year she will be dropping me.

  8. #58
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    I had to give the wheels back... Small price to pay. But my LBS guys are cool and they are trying to find me some new take-offs for a good deal.

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by tailgunn View Post
    Thank you! I am a good dad, and that might be the only thing at which I am good, but I can settle for that.
    That's the important thing.

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