Meeting The Ghost (a story for y'all)
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    Post Meeting The Ghost (a story for y'all)

    Meeting The Ghost

    By Greg Taylor


    Click here. Don't think -- just do it.

    For those less impulsive souls unwilling to temporarily abandon the safe and comfortable surroundings of our host, the good ship RoadBikeReview.com, let me explain. This particular hotlink leads to Googlism.com, a website developed by an Australian company that is, for good or evil, slightly more addictive than salted peanuts. Googlism.com (not affiliated with Google itself, we are told) is an internet search engine whose function it is to go out and scrutinize the cyber-mothership of all search engines, Google, to see what it "thinks" about a topic of your choosing. You type your search term into a little box, the computer magically scours Google for opinions on your selected topic, and out pops the answer in a series of simple declarative sentences. Anything that you can think of is fair game for Googlism.com - people, places, things, or dates. Sometimes the resulting "Googlisms" are spot-on. Sometimes they aren't. Sometimes the results are hysterically funny. And sometimes the results are downright poetic.

    Go ahead, fool around with it a bit.

    Cool, isn't it?

    After spending some time mining for Googlisms about obvious stuff - me, my dog, my boss - I decided that it might be an educational exercise to get the measure of Google's opinions on a variety of cycling-related subjects.

    First up was my other favorite website, Cyclingnews. In they went, and out popped the following:

    cyclingnews is updated on an almost hourly basis
    cyclingnews is delivered to your screen by dedicated servers operated by economic outlook
    cyclingnews is a top resource worth bookmarking
    cyclingnews is required reading
    cyclingnews is very inviting
    cyclingnews is the contract
    cyclingnews is a new
    cyclingnews is able to provide the following update on armstrong's
    cyclingnews is the essential page for anyone interested in professional cycling

    Well all right! Google is indeed remarkably well informed when it comes to recognizing the premier sources for cycling news and top web sites. I suspect that advertising rates may go up shortly.

    Okay, what about riders then? Let's survey Google's opinion on some current bike racers. Picking a name at random, our first subject was Frank Hoj, who is riding for Bjarne Riis' Team CSC this year. An excellent rider, he'd be a good test for Google. So in he went and, after cogitating a while, the computer spat out a single, enigmatic line:

    frank hoj is still away

    Well, obviously Frank Hoj is away. It's the middle of the afternoon in Europe, for goodness sake. He's probably out riding his bike. Let's try someone else.

    How about Floyd Landis? He's one of my favorite riders and, with his exploits at the Tour this year, Landis has emerged as one of Lance Armstrong's key teammates. Surely Google will have a lot to say about Floyd.

    I wasn't disappointed. We had a bit of a false start when the search term "Floyd Landis" came back blank. No hits. Undeterred, I shortened it up to simply "Landis", which produced a small avalanche of information. Google knows all about Floyd. Some of it wasn't terribly surprising:

    landis is a talented climber and time trialist
    landis is still upbeat

    Some of it was rather surprising:

    landis is a former nasa scientist and he apparently has read the scientific literature carefully
    landis is one of a handful of openly gay ministers serving a church in the denver metro area
    landis is among the world's leading makeup artists today
    landis is a nebraska state senator

    And some of it was, well, strange:

    landis is everything and nothing
    landis is a warped individual and it shows in some of the strange things he finds funny
    landis is the national soil data base for england and wales
    landis is also very good at recreating the texas of 1870

    I don't remember reading any of THAT in the U.S. Postal press kit. Maybe Floyd Landis is a bit more of a Renaissance Man than we all thought.

    Having garnered these stunning new insights into the life and career of Mr. Floyd Landis, it became obvious that my research would not be complete until I ran a search on his team leader at U.S. Postal. So in went "Lance"...and...

    Wow. All I have to say is that, according to Google, there is a side to Lance that most fans and followers of the sport apparently don't know about.

    For starters, I am very happy to report that Lance has successfully completed his obedience training:

    lance is impeccably house trained but also crate trained; basic obedience and leash trained; shakes hands

    His companion, Ms. Crow, is undoubtedly ecstatic with this development, and it will certainly ease things with his many sponsors during promotional appearances. ("No Lance! Heel! Awww...don't do that on the rug! Bad Lance...baaaaad Lance...").

    Google has also checked in with single females between the ages 18 and 32, a demographic who clearly thinks that the big hunky Texan is...um...just swell:

    lance is so sexy
    lance is soooooooo hott
    lance is a sexy *****?
    lance is buff
    lance is my space cowboy

    Most importantly, Google has not forgotten that Lance is first and foremost a multiple Tour de France champion and an inspiration to millions as a result of his battle with cancer:

    lance is in yellow
    lance is ready to repeat
    lance is probably feeling pretty proud of himself at this point
    lance is da man
    lance is the last cowboy
    lance is one of those inspirational stories people will always talk about

    So it was a bit of a shock to learn about Lance's heretofore-unknown singing career with the boy-group NSYNC:

    lance is a part of nsync but his personal life is not

    And I suspect that Google was just having some fun with me when it fingered Lance as the purveyor of those little cellophane-wrapped packets of cheese-flavored peanut butter crackers that you find in vending machines around the globe:

    lance is committed to providing only the freshest products for your on the go snacking

    Oh never mind. I'll just rely on Cyclingnews for all of my Lance updates, thank you.

    Before shutting down the computer I decided to pose one last parting question to the Great And All-Knowing Google. I'd thought about it a while and it was, if I must say so myself, a real humdinger. A philosophical question, a question for the ages: what is a bike?

    I punched in my inquiry and waited. What came back exceeded my expectations. It was insightful. It was poignant. It was witty. It was brilliant. It was, after some minor trimming and pruning, pretty damn fine poetry --

    "BIKE"

    bike is down
    bike is blue
    bike is here
    bike is your friend by elisabeth piper
    bike is finally here
    bike is ready
    bike is real
    bike is not a problem
    bike is the right size
    bike is a vehicle too
    bike is a car
    bike is right for you
    bike is no limit to entitlements
    bike is a nice sturdy bike
    bike is a feast for the eyes
    bike is 24/7
    bike is easy when you make your bike carry your stuff
    bike is now available from us with a campag daytona 10speed
    bike is a continual work
    bike is like a beautiful woman
    bike is a pain in the ass when i am not riding it?
    bike is for sale
    bike is a cow
    bike is only as nice as its worst part
    bike is ready for delivery
    bike is showing it off
    bike is smokin'
    bike is no sin
    bike is going to set you back as much as $18
    bike is cool
    bike is not stored correctly
    bike is fun and exciting to ride too
    bike is a winner
    bike is mother's little helper
    bike is the right one is to ask a few simple questions about how the bike will be used
    bike is good
    bike is for the hooligan in you
    bike is emotionally unavailable
    bike is specifically designed to be ridden comfortably and efficiently in the aerodynamic position using elbow
    bike is good for the soul
    bike is back we're having company
    bike is back hey all
    bike is faster than your bike
    bike is stolen
    bike is this?
    bike is off the road till further notice
    bike is your life
    bike is a quality and reliable bike built mainly for comfort and ease of use
    bike is not always the best
    bike is a proud sponsor of the yale university cycling team
    bike is almost done
    bike is most vulnerable
    bike is for utility and durability
    bike is a bike is a bike
    bike is everything i expected and more

    Good lord, a computer did this. Stunning. Brilliant. But can you explain it?

    I guess that there are those who will say that the only possible explanation for why the search results are so lyrical and full of insight is that we've gotten a little glimpse of the latent bit of humanity that resides within the Internet, the imprint of the souls of all who have had a hand in creating and maintaining this electronic wonder. The ghost in the machine, deus ex machina for those who went to Catholic school. A ghost with the soul of a poet and the heart of a cyclist.

    And before we get too carried away here, it's also ghost who tells people that Floyd Landis is a gay minister in Denver.

    Man, you gotta love a ghost like that. It makes paying extra every month for that high-speed Internet connection worth every penny. Now if we could only get that ghost to do something about all that SPAM that clogs my inbox...
    Last edited by Gregory Taylor; 08-24-2004 at 06:11 PM. Reason: AAAAACK!!!
    It's Been Fun...See You Down The Road.

  2. #2
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    Unhappy AAAAACKKK! What did the software do to my punctuation?!

    Dudes and Dudettes --

    I humbly apologize for the extreme weirdness that has infected the punctuation of my story. It was written in Word, which apparently isn't totally compatable with the bbs software here. It has generated strange symbols where apostrophes and quotation marks are supposed to go.

    Mr. Moderator - if you want to delete this, go ahead. It's annoyingly unreadable.
    It's Been Fun...See You Down The Road.

  3. #3
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    No deletion required.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gregory Taylor
    Dudes and Dudettes --

    I humbly apologize for the extreme weirdness that has infected the punctuation of my story. It was written in Word, which apparently isn't totally compatable with the bbs software here. It has generated strange symbols where apostrophes and quotation marks are supposed to go.

    Mr. Moderator - if you want to delete this, go ahead. It's annoyingly unreadable.
    I found the strange punctuation charming and quite fitting for the googlism madness.

    BTW would you ever care to co-author a ride report? I'll provide the pix you provide the text. Or I could just send you some of my pix and you could put them together in any order you liked with text to match.
    Quote Originally Posted by the_dude
    these are better than i was expecting, and my expectations were already rather high.

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    Thumbs up I would be deeply honored.... (nm)

    hehehehehehe
    It's Been Fun...See You Down The Road.

  5. #5
    go up
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    another googlism

    cycling is dangerous and unhealthy
    cycling is not enviromentally friendly
    cycling is sexy" says niki gudex
    cycling is no accident
    cycling is back
    cycling is not just for exercise
    cycling is less important than driving
    cycling is a great sport
    cycling is on a roll on the
    cycling is based at grafham water in cambridgeshire
    cycling is the plan in door
    cycling is a way of life
    cycling is very popular activity
    cycling is this
    cycling is still fun in spite of
    cycling is a cool sport that has been around for a long
    cycling is bad
    cycling is in matt walthour's blood
    cycling is gaining popularity all over the world because it is
    cycling is good for my frame of mind
    cycling is a rare occurrence
    cycling is safer than walking"
    cycling is a passion by uday jain
    cycling is inefficient >
    cycling is not environmentally friendly
    cycling is sexy" says niki gudex
    cycling is the repeated loss and regain of body weight
    cycling is all pumped up about its doping problem by justin brown
    cycling is all pumped up about its doping problem
    cycling is beset by drugs' virenque
    cycling is beset by drugs'
    cycling is not just for exercise members of the sarasota
    cycling is not just for exercise douglas a
    cycling is a topic that provides many smiles per mile
    cycling is dangerous
    cycling is dangerous can lead to deaths through discouraging vehicular cycling
    cycling is key to economy
    cycling is a wcs fundraiser for canadian rotarians
    cycling is on a roll on the outer banks jack horan special correspondent ocracoke
    cycling is a family of organizations that promote and govern different disciplines of the sport
    cycling is the plan in door county new proposal calls for improved road signs and shoulders to aid touring bikers
    cycling is
    cycling is still fun in spite of the odd loon
    cycling is so important
    cycling is undergoing a great revival and many people would like to cycle or to cycle more
    cycling is an indoor stationary cycling workout popular around the world
    cycling is coming
    cycling is one of the most comfortable warm weather activities
    cycling is just an excuse to eat
    cycling is no more risky than
    cycling is on a roll at both the provincial and local levels
    cycling is a hazardous form of transport
    cycling is more efficient than any other method of travel
    cycling is a
    cycling is out
    cycling is an intense
    cycling is fast growing
    cycling is a group exercise experience that takes place on unique bicycles in the cycling room
    cycling is limited only by your aerobic capacity
    cycling is a sport that allows you to practice on your own time
    cycling is very dangerous here as there is no concept of separate lanes for cyclists and traffic is horrendous
    cycling is a three
    cycling is the belief that it is ``too dangerous''
    cycling is one of the best ways of keeping fit
    cycling is a physical activ ity
    cycling is due to the types of bikes that are used
    cycling is a book
    cycling is a dangerous activity
    cycling is a viable means of commuter travel in central london
    cycling is a popular recreational and transportation activity with many health benefits
    cycling is the perfect way to explore backcountry roads and trails
    cycling is based on the five basic principles of traffic operation
    cycling is also designed with both local and visitors to the lake district and cumbria in mind
    cycling is a very popular activity and has many great benefits
    cycling is not like sex home » forums » bicycling love forum 104 replies
    cycling is not safe
    cycling is an excellent form of exercise which allows for effective training and adaptations in both anaerobic and aerobic energy systems
    cycling is and if it is necessary with creatine
    cycling is a group exercise class done on stationary bikes
    cycling is not allowed
    cycling is important to encourage more people to participate in cycling and enjoy the benefits
    cycling is a group workout
    cycling is one of the newest fitness craze?s to hit clubs in the uk
    cycling is not organised
    cycling is a method by which unwanted signals in an nmr experiment are eliminated on the basis of their phase property
    cycling is good for people and good for the environment
    cycling is a supplier of quality components and accessories for the recumbent and upright bicycle rider
    cycling is made up of people who enjoy cycling in the suburbs and out in country victoria with a sociable group of like
    cycling is one of the sports to which tissot is the most committed having been a sponsor of cycling events for over a quarter
    cycling is pedaling in printers ink
    cycling is an effective way of solving traffic and environmental problems while saving billions of euro in health spending
    cycling is fun
    deadlegs

    I've breathed the mountain air, man. (J. Cash)

    It's a long way to the top
    . . . if you wanna rock and roll (ac/dc)

  6. #6
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    Fixed It. Sorry For The Technical Difficulties

    We will now resume our regularly scheduled program, Nudity Weekly, which is already in progress....
    It's Been Fun...See You Down The Road.

  7. #7
    Just Riding Along
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    Thanks again

    for your literary and exploratory efforts.

    BTW, did I ever tell you my wife claims to have seen a ghost in our house......

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    Exclamation Now that sounds COOL...

    [BTW, did I ever tell you my wife claims to have seen a ghost in our house......[/QUOTE]

    No...you haven't. Spill. That sounds interesting. Is it an old house?
    It's Been Fun...See You Down The Road.

  9. #9
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    Amazing the things one can learn about one's self.

    frith is like love
    frith is one of virginia's leading plaintiff's litigation law firms specializing in personal injury
    frith is going to trick him
    frith is the sun and the sun is that color of yellow
    frith is in charge of the men's team
    frith is a man whose work is not easily classified
    frith is a dying and rising figure – after some amount of time
    frith is no high
    frith is invulnerable
    frith is an inability to integrate pieces of information into coherent wholes
    frith is an "inquiry of the gods about the future"
    frith is like drinking thirty pots of coffee at once

  10. #10
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    Smile

    Maybe just the top few responses are important? Consider Nashbar:

    nashbar is not responsible for any inadvertent errors
    nashbar is willing to replace it free of charge so i give a three
    nashbar is trying to get rid of them for about $25
    nashbar is refunding the purchase price plus postage
    nashbar is the first hrm i've ever owned

    Or perhaps a few strays?

    nashbar is always selling their pedals online for around 25 clams + shipping
    nashbar is already paying more than $60 a week for garbage pickup
    nashbar is also called nashbar

    Very cool site - thanks for the link.

  11. #11
    Strained coccyx etc etc
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    Googlism for: j's haiku shop

    Sorry, Google doesn't know enough about j's haiku shop yet.
    One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

  12. #12
    Ya, what ATP said...!
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    Some highlights from "chili"

    chili is lost or clouded in tales and legends
    chili is available here in us all
    chili is not some form of bastardized spaghetti sauce or that abomination eaten with zeal in cincinatti
    chili is still a criminal offense in texas so you can't blame me for feeling a little paranoid
    chili is used in clinical routine for the described application scenarios in nearly 20 locations

  13. #13
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    I want to meet those lovely roomates...

    MB1 gets nothing but Miss M sounds like someone I could spend some time with;

    missm is always snapping pictures of her lovely roomates
    missm is filling out with rich
    missm is so wonderful
    missm is a great
    missm is may 21
    missm is from shiny
    Quote Originally Posted by the_dude
    these are better than i was expecting, and my expectations were already rather high.

  14. #14
    Hoopy Frood
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    Seems like google likes me:

    khill is a vip
    khill is an example of the typical sikkimese architecture in midst of a serene atmosphere and greenery even in the heart of gangtok
    khill is the light
    khill is god
    khill is an example of the typical sikkimese architect in midst of a serene atmosphere and grenery even in the heart of gangtok
    khill is referred to
    khill is an example of the typical sikkimese architect
    khill is an example of the typical sikkimese architect in midst of a
    khill is still maintained as a heritage property
    khill is ranked number 8 and has played for 1h14m in 14 days real name
    khill is still maintained

  15. #15
    AIE
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    Har har har

    hairy ass is finally rewarded
    hairy ass is what we have for you now
    hairy ass is a tremendous responsibility; care and maintenance is an ongoing challenge
    hairy ass is dressed
    hairy ass is a growing phenomenon
    hairy ass is hotly underhandedly mature
    hairy ass is sweaty too
    hairy ass is started to bleed a lot
    hairy ass is known in wooster also
    hairy ass is it her great looks
    hairy ass is the one that needs to go big time
    hairy ass is fine on my man but not on my incontinent patient
    hairy ass is a good ass
    hairy ass is burned into my retinas as if i had just looked into the sun
    hairy ass is not on my menu
    hairy ass is a bad
    hairy ass is a mario alessandro pagani zehl trademark
    hairy ass is shoved right in front of your face?
    hairy ass is right in front of your face
    hairy ass is? i can do that
    hairy ass is the same as the next you seem hot for this
    hairy ass is to shove a sawed off shotgun in there and fire 6 rounds of splintered ammo
    hairy ass is pointed in my direction and completely exposed
    hairy ass is tight and hot
    hairy ass is as wet as you are huge titties

  16. #16
    On your left!
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    racerx is alone at nhis for may 2/3 racing
    racerx is no wuss -- that is correct
    racerx is simply better
    racerx is dead -- that is not correct, yet
    racerx is the system to be upgraded to the solaris 8 operating environment and blackmesa is the system that is serving the solaris 8 operating
    racerx is awesome and indestructible
    racerx is better off with an 80mm fork
    racerx is reporting that langston is having surgery to repair his torn meniscus and ligament in his knee
    racerx is reporting that nesc local hero mike treadwell
    racerx is reporting that doug henry will ride the 125cc class this weekend
    racerx is the greatest band
    racerx is that he crashed hard in practice and twisted his knee pretty bad
    racerx is ranked 5 and has played for 19h12m in 14 days
    racerx is very 1337
    racerx is starting to lose it a bit in the last two issues
    racerx is about uk
    racerx is
    racerx is searching for a caring bbw


    Oh well, at least they got a few right about me...

  17. #17
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by J's Haiku Shop
    Googlism for: j's haiku shop

    Sorry, Google doesn't know enough about j's haiku shop yet.

    feeling encouraged by that "yet" qualifier?

  18. #18
    A wheelist
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    Googlism.com


    Buwaaaaa, too funny! I like the first one -

    mike t. is a tight ass rapper
    mike t. is making arrangements; he is planning to ask peter
    mike t. is allegedly engaged as well
    mike t. is your man to play the hottest jams
    mike t. is friends with actor elijah wood
    mike t. is cool 10
    mike t. is influenced by gospel
    mike t. is still engineering in the studio over at killomatic
    mike t. is on the right
    mike t. is willing to teach classes in whatever we need
    mike t. is a consummate professional and was by far the most respected individual we have met at tek with regard to jitter analysis
    mike t. is getting ready to sing on the mcdonald's commercial
    mike t. is a great guy and will answer your calls and questions as well as add some info you probably didn't ask for anyway
    mike t. is cutting braces on the band saw for his project
    mike t. is to his church
    mike t. is giving a tour of a b
    mike t. is correct
    mike t. is
    mike t. is now the ongo
    mike t. is not the answer in the long haul
    mike t. is organizing the saturday clean
    mike t. is also working on his solo project
    mike t. is in the big apple?
    mike t. is in the big apple
    mike t. is continuing coverage at http
    mike t. is working on this political satire site with his friend carl
    mike t. is working on a practical track plan for this layout
    mike t. is entitled to his opinion
    .

  19. #19
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    Dude! You too?

    Man My wife swears we have a ghost as well. Unfortunately he (or she I don't want to he sexist here) is a smoker. Yeah I am serious. Periodically you'll walk into a room that smells of cigarettes. By the time your spouse gets there the smell is gone.

    Weird... hey is that Elvis?

  20. #20
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    Googlism even has the answer to cycling's biggest question:

    Campagnolo or Shimano??

    campagnolo is better than shimano
    campagnolo is a leading designer and manufacturer of lightweight
    campagnolo is known worldwide by metallurgic enginneers as a company that has developed some procceses that nowadays are used by many high precision mechanical
    campagnolo is in the final stages of development in creating a new carbon
    campagnolo is always ready to respond to the needs of cyclists
    campagnolo is the italian version of l'etape du tour
    campagnolo is coast's main component supplier
    campagnolo is the source for ag2r's parts in the transmission and braking departments
    campagnolo is argueably prettier than the competition and since the crank is a focal point on a road bike
    campagnolo is for you
    campagnolo is offering their fine carbon seat post in 32
    campagnolo is no exception
    campagnolo is the team's sponsor
    campagnolo is a registered trademark of campagnolo in the united states and/or other countries
    campagnolo is the perfect complement to hearty soups and stews or toasted as a wonderful base for butter and jam
    campagnolo is a religion as far as we are concerned
    campagnolo is using composite
    campagnolo is so well known for and the chorus logo is prominent on them
    campagnolo is better
    campagnolo is introducing ultra?drive sprockets with new profiling and machining
    campagnolo is the standard for comparison
    campagnolo is not for me
    campagnolo is one manufacturer who makes hubs with replaceable cups and keeps spare parts available enough that repairing hubs in this way is often feasible
    campagnolo is famous
    campagnolo is the stranger who rides into town with the
    campagnolo is more than just a cycling event
    campagnolo is introducing proton wheels this year
    campagnolo is on the menu
    campagnolo is associated with unique prestige in italy and in the rest of the world
    campagnolo is calling these climb
    campagnolo is packed with unique custom features which make it absolutely one of a kind among full sized professional quality accordions
    campagnolo is the premier manufacturer of bicycle component groups
    campagnolo is robuster
    campagnolo is right on
    campagnolo is fine stuff
    campagnolo is in the world of bicycles
    campagnolo is sworn in as the new lieutenant governor
    campagnolo is the italian based world leader in bike components and wheels
    campagnolo is wheelfine’s preferred component group
    campagnolo is synonymous with italian style
    campagnolo is our specialty
    campagnolo is huge
    campagnolo is made in italy
    campagnolo is regarded as both the most stylish and the best
    campagnolo is committed to building world
    campagnolo is the first woman to be appointed lieutenant governor of the province
    campagnolo is less filling
    campagnolo is the best
    campagnolo is a whole diffrent animal compared to the raleigh sealed bearing hubs
    campagnolo is in private practice with ashurst family physicians of mt
    campagnolo is visszaadja a választás lehetoségét a legjobb fékei esetében

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    Thumbs up Yes, "Campagnolo is less filling" sums it up perfectly

    ...but does it also "taste great?"
    It's Been Fun...See You Down The Road.

  22. #22
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    62

    ya wanna good laugh type in poop ....

    the list was huge but hilarious ......
    "thirty spokes converge upon a wheel but it is the hole in the center that enables it to be used"

  23. #23
    RoadBikeReview Member
    Reputation:
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Posts
    24

    W

    george bush is a monkey
    george bush is an american
    george bush is a coward
    george bush is demanding to be heard
    george bush is torn about tax
    george bush is clearly not up to the job
    george bush is pretty
    george bush is not a christian
    george bush is the brer rabbit of
    george bush is the brer rabbit of american
    george bush is a tax raising special interest slot machine
    george bush is losing control of the american
    george bush is losing control of the
    george bush is a drag
    george bush is gore running against?
    george bush is a christian
    george bush is a clinical psychopathe
    george bush is getting thrown into the briar patch
    george bush is a fan of ozzy osbourne
    george bush is a
    george bush is doing great in
    george bush is handling his job as prez
    george bush is een lekker wijf
    george bush is a tool of greedy rich people
    george bush is pregnant erratic policy behavior result of massive hormone surge washington
    george bush is contributing the the personal destruction of tens of thousands of lives aroung the world
    "Don't buy upgrades; ride up grades." - Eddy Merckx

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