It's been a long damn time...........
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  1. #1
    Windrider (Stubborn)
    Reputation: Len J's Avatar
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    It's been a long damn time...........

    since I even visited RBR. It's hard to believe it's been as long as it has, but life has made sure that I had plenty to occupy me. Man Plans, God Laughs indeed.

    Sometimes, life is hard...... But I'm reminded recently that the hard times make the good times that much better.

    Some of you might remember that my wife Ella was diagnosed with Chronic Lyme disease around 5 years ago with severe infections in her brain & nervous system. At the time, it got bad enough that she could no longer work and if her cognitive abilities before she was infected was a 10 (on a 1-10 scale), then at her worst during the last 5 years she was probably functioning as a 2. she had some really rough times where I wasn't sure I'd ever get her back.

    The good news is that she has recovered enough that she currently hovers between a 5 & a 7 (on the same scale). The bad news is that I'm beginning to accept that this may be as good as it gets. Couple it with continued severe fatigue and a severely compromised immune system, and there are many times where she is incapable of doing a whole lot more than making it downstairs. It's pretty demoralizing. In hindsight, I think a big part of me expected that we'd do what we had to do and naively, she'd be back to where she was before..... I've learned the hard way that that's not always how it works.

    I've worked really hard over the past few years to accept and deal with all the losses this has created for me. I've learned that I need to do that if I'm going to be any kind of healthy support for her. This is neither the life I envisioned nor the one I want, but it is the life I have. Accepting the choice to be here and all that entails has been more work than I ever expected, but there have been more than a few unexpected gifts from this than I ever would have expected.

    -I've been reminded that the hard times make me appreciate the good times more.

    -I've learned that small blessings in the midst of struggle can mean more than I expected.

    -I've developed a greater toolbox of both coping mechanisms, as well as ways to recharge my own emotional batteries & most importantly, recognize when I need to do that.

    -I've been reminded that everyone has a story that I don't know and it's made me more compassionate.

    -I've appreciated the people that are there for me in ways that I've taken for granted in the past.

    -I've been reminded again not to take the time we have with the one's we love for granted. We never know when it can be taken away.

    -Mostly, I've learned how to appreciate all the small & not so small blessings around me. I was reminded of this again last week when my oldest son's wife delivered my third granddaughter & got to spend most of the the week with her two older sisters. Being a "Pop-Pop" and getting that crazy warm welcome when they see me is a gift that's hard to describe. Watching my son work so hard to be a good father, and watching him be so good a father touches me in ways that I never expected.

    I'm riding with Team Collin next weekend for the 9th straight year & remembered that Team Collin wouldn't exist if it weren't for The Lounge. Remembering that had me sign in and I thought I'd say hello to those that are still here from the past. I miss what this place was.....but like most things in life, time moves on.

    I'd enjoy hearing from you as to what's gone on in your life for the last few years.

    So Hello.

    Len



    "Evil....is the complete lack of Empathy!"

    ""We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. " Aristotle

    No one is as bad as the worst thing they have done & no one is as good as the best thing they have done.........think of that when you feel like you understand someone.

  2. #2
    What the what???
    Reputation: Opus51569's Avatar
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    Len, you continue to be an inspiration. I donít know what your chosen profession is in the world, but I hope it involves writing. You do it well and with a heart and generosity of spirit that deserves to be shared with others.

    Thanks for stopping in and my best to you and your family.

    óOpus


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  3. #3
    Windrider (Stubborn)
    Reputation: Len J's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Opus51569 View Post
    Len, you continue to be an inspiration. I donít know what your chosen profession is in the world, but I hope it involves writing. You do it well and with a heart and generosity of spirit that deserves to be shared with others.

    Thanks for stopping in and my best to you and your family.

    óOpus


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    Thanks for the kind response.

    Len


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



    "Evil....is the complete lack of Empathy!"

    ""We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. " Aristotle

    No one is as bad as the worst thing they have done & no one is as good as the best thing they have done.........think of that when you feel like you understand someone.

  4. #4
    Devoid of all flim-flam
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    All the best to you and yours!
    Ed
    Mapie is a conventional looking former Hollywood bon viveur, now leading a quiet life in a house made of wood by an isolated beach. He has cultivated a taste for culture, and is a celebrated raconteur amongst his local associates, who are artists, actors, and other leftfield/eccentric types. I imagine he has a telescope, and an unusual sculpture outside his front door. He is also a beach comber. The Rydster.

  5. #5
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    Len, so good to see you post with more great words of wisdom. Time is the most precious commodity we have and it often competes with good health to affect peoples relationships. People with both are blessed but often don't realize or utilize both fully (me included).
    How is your wife's pain? I hope that it's not adding to her discomfort too much.
    CFS is a bugger. My sister in law suffered with it for years and found a strict holistic naturopathic regime was what worked for her. There are people who show improvement with CBD oil as well which is now readily available in the US I hear.
    I'd encourage you two to keep trying new things as you never know what life has in store for you.
    All the best and if karma is a thing I know you have a heap more blessings in your bank. Take care.

  6. #6
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    So nice to read your post Len. I'm sorry for what your wife and you have been and are going through. You seem to be coping well, all things considered. I never knew much about Lyme disease until recently. I learned that it has migrated across the country and is now present here in the PNW even. I hope you and your wife continue to do as well as you can.

    What have I done in the last 5 years? Retired over 3 years ago. You'd think I'd be riding much more, but I don't. I also have a life long interest in fly fishing, and now I take multiple trips per year for that. My wife goes along when the weather looks favorable, and she will retire in another year or so. Then we will ride our bikes, fish, and travel, providing we don't get Lyme disease.

  7. #7
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    So, I get it. I am very close to sharing your experience. My wife has pulmonary comprised Lupus. Sheís had it a long time. She was originally told that seeing our daughter graduate high school would be a win. Sheís a junior in college and still going, but it isnít easy going. Iím lucky in that her cognition remains untouched, she is a PhD and she can work because her research is mostly in front of a computer screen. It isnít unusual for her sleep an entire weekend. She has had two major surgeries this year and she just doesnít recover like ďnormalĒ people. Iím not playing the violin for me, sheís the one thatís really struggling... she was super active and loved cycling but she is nothing but supportive of the time I spend on the bike. Itís awkward sometimes when people ask you how your weekend was... Well, I shopped, cooked, cleaned, took care of the pool, yard and everything but paid bills. Again. But I married the most wonderful woman on earth! Beautiful, crazy smart, funny, and capable of mass destruction if itís called for. I just wish like hell she could breathe. So, Iím sending love. Sometimes life just Fís you up. Iím not a type 1 and neither is she. Thatís hell. So many bad things can happen. I just try to be happy with what I have every single minute.
    To date, philosophers have merely interpreted the world in various ways. The point however is to change it.

  8. #8
    Frog Whisperer
    Reputation: Touch0Gray's Avatar
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    Very much looking forward to seeing you And your BETTER half next weekend. For reference, I absolutely LOVED that picture of her and the newb this morning. You should pop in here more often, after all......this IS where a lot of things started including lifelong friendships!
    Of course I'm sure...that doesn't mean I'm right.....

    "There's no sense being stupid unless you show it."

  9. #9
    Windrider (Stubborn)
    Reputation: Len J's Avatar
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    It's been a long damn time...........

    Quote Originally Posted by PBL450 View Post
    So, I get it. I am very close to sharing your experience. My wife has pulmonary comprised Lupus. Sheís had it a long time. She was originally told that seeing our daughter graduate high school would be a win. Sheís a junior in college and still going, but it isnít easy going. Iím lucky in that her cognition remains untouched, she is a PhD and she can work because her research is mostly in front of a computer screen. It isnít unusual for her sleep an entire weekend. She has had two major surgeries this year and she just doesnít recover like ďnormalĒ people. Iím not playing the violin for me, sheís the one thatís really struggling... she was super active and loved cycling but she is nothing but supportive of the time I spend on the bike. Itís awkward sometimes when people ask you how your weekend was... Well, I shopped, cooked, cleaned, took care of the pool, yard and everything but paid bills. Again. But I married the most wonderful woman on earth! Beautiful, crazy smart, funny, and capable of mass destruction if itís called for. I just wish like hell she could breathe. So, Iím sending love. Sometimes life just Fís you up. Iím not a type 1 and neither is she. Thatís hell. So many bad things can happen. I just try to be happy with what I have every single minute.
    That sucks I feel your pain.

    Len


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    Last edited by Len J; 06-22-2019 at 06:31 PM.



    "Evil....is the complete lack of Empathy!"

    ""We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. " Aristotle

    No one is as bad as the worst thing they have done & no one is as good as the best thing they have done.........think of that when you feel like you understand someone.

  10. #10
    Boobies!
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    Len,

    Nice to see you in print. I'm heartbroken to read that Ella has struggled so long and so hard with Lyme--it is nasty business. (Best newish book I've read about it lately is 'Why can't I get better?: Solving the mystery of Chronic Lyme Disease' by Richard Horowitz--I'm mostly asymptomatic so I feel very, very lucky)

    Bon chance with T0G and the rest of the moreons riding for Team Collin.
    Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity
    -Hanlon's Razor

  11. #11
    feelin' Freddie Mercury
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    Condolences, Len. That must be hard in ways I can't even imagine.
    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did Ė peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

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    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  12. #12
    Sweet Potato Kugel
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    Heart breaking thread. Thank you all for sharing. All I can say is, I'm sending positive thoughts your ways.

  13. #13
    Windrider (Stubborn)
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    Thanks for all the kind comments.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



    "Evil....is the complete lack of Empathy!"

    ""We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. " Aristotle

    No one is as bad as the worst thing they have done & no one is as good as the best thing they have done.........think of that when you feel like you understand someone.

  14. #14
    Sweet Potato Kugel
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    In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
    Ben Franklin -Tis curious and amazing to observe how distinct and independent of each other the rattles of this animal are, and yet how firmly they are united together

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