Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style - Page 4
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  1. #76
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    19. and 38.

    Thank you.
    They do anything just to win a salami in ridiculous races. I take my gear out of the car and put my bike together. Tourists and locals are watching from sidewalk cafes. Non-racers. The emptiness of those lives shocks me. It was the illest of times, it was the dopest of times. And we looked damn good. Actually the autobus broke down somewhere on the Mortirolo.

  2. #77
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    44.) Confused about what pressure to run in those tires? Hereís a simple formula guaranteed to give you the correct pressure every time.

    a.) Start with your tire width (in millimeters)
    b.) Multiply by 2 (because thereís two of them... duh)
    c.) Subtract your age (if you get a negative number, donít panic... but do make sure you have a Will, cuz... youíre old)
    d.) Add the number of bikes you own +1
    e.) Multiply that number by your weight (rounded to the nearest stone)
    f.) Now, we need to convert bars to psi, so multiply that number by .0689476
    g.) Take the square route of that:

    (ha! Strava humor) and... voila! You have your optimal tire pressure.

    For me, its 32psi. all day long.


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 08-23-2018 at 10:21 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  3. #78
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    42 for me. Bar.
    They do anything just to win a salami in ridiculous races. I take my gear out of the car and put my bike together. Tourists and locals are watching from sidewalk cafes. Non-racers. The emptiness of those lives shocks me. It was the illest of times, it was the dopest of times. And we looked damn good. Actually the autobus broke down somewhere on the Mortirolo.

  4. #79
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    45.) I like waking up on the bike. What I donít like is waking up on the bike with a dead hooker draped across the bars. Do you have any idea how long it takes to dig a shallow grave with a multi-tool??? Seriously. Do you? Cuz, Jeebus, Iíve already been at this for, like, an hour...
    Last edited by Opus51569; 08-23-2018 at 10:32 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  5. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by kbwh View Post
    42 for me. Bar.
    See how easy it is!!!
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  6. #81
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    46.) Zwift is really just PornHub for cyclists.


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    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  7. #82
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    47.) Why does anyone carry a water bottle? A bottle is a hollow cylinder you put water in. But you have a bike with a frame and forks made of hollow cylinders, donít you??? A little caulk... some long bendy straws... and you're riding a water bottle. Hellloooo. Do I have to think of everything?

    Of course, if youíre on your winter wood/kindling bike, a bottle may still be necessary... unless it's bamboo.


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 09-09-2018 at 05:44 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  8. #83
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    48.) When your wife has to pick you up from a ride, no amount of explaining will ever make up for innocently referring to her as the ďsag wagonĒ...

    Just make sure the dog house youíll be living in has room for your bikes.

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    Last edited by Opus51569; 09-08-2018 at 09:48 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  9. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Opus51569 View Post
    48.) When your wife has to pick you up from a ride, no amount of explaining will ever make up for innocently referring to her as the ďsag wagonĒ...

    Just make sure the dog house youíll be living in has room for your bikes.

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    More rep in the rep bank!

  10. #85
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    49.) Aero is all about decreasing resistance and being slippery in the wind. Vaseline works well but Crisco, or even olive oil will do in a pinch. The trick is getting a nice even coat. Just be careful around the tires and braking surfaces. Youíll only make that mistake once.


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 09-12-2018 at 03:43 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  11. #86
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    50.) You can use expensive lubes on your chain. Or, you can just do what I do and use a home-brew. Sure, chain hops can be a problem sometimes, but it's a good malt-ernative... [NOTE: The remainder of this post has been deleted for violating this forum's prohibition of awful puns.]

    6_1514911977.jpg
    Last edited by Opus51569; 03-30-2019 at 02:25 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  12. #87
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    51.) I have been "asked" (read: legally compelled) to compose the following statement:

    "On behalf of RoadBikeReview, their parent company, Giant Specialized Velocipedes for Trekking Inc. LLC., and their parent company, The Chubb Group...

    Unknown.jpeg

    I (insert name here) offer my sincere apology to the readers of this thread for my egregious and unwarranted use of puns in the previous post.

    "Chain hops" "malt-ernative"???

    Puns, as we all know, are nothing but skid marks on the underwear of comedy. They have no place in our discourse and must therefore be shunned and rejected wherever they appear. I see now that my misguided attempt at humor was deeply hurtful not just to cyclists, but beer drinkers of all persuasions.

    I hope you will accept my humble apology and continue to patronize this site as well as the many fine advertisers and businesses that support it. I have no excuse for my actions and can only say in my defense that I was wheelie, wheelie, tired... [NOTE: The remainder of this post has been deleted for violating this forum's prohibition of awful puns.]
    Last edited by Opus51569; 03-30-2019 at 02:26 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  13. #88
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    After a forced posting time-out for egregious use of puns, it looks like I'm no longer persona non grata around here. Ahhh. It's good to be back. Let's not waste any time...

    52.) The holidays are right around the corner. So, what do you get the riding buddy on your list who has everything? A new bike? Nah. They already have n+1. Tools? They have so many their name might as well be Park.

    Consider a gift certificate for a free hand-job. Betcha they don't have one of those in their stocking.
    Last edited by Opus51569; 11-15-2018 at 06:52 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  14. #89
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    53.) The winter doldrums are fast approaching. Months of riding the spin bike in the basement watching recordings of the Tour, the Giro, or the Vuelta. Once in a while, try spicing things up by watching an action movie, a comedy, or porn. Itís great for hitting your target heart rate, but be careful with the porn. High speed cadence and a massive erection donít always mix.

    Two words: Peyronieís Disease... look it up... if you dare...


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 03-30-2019 at 02:06 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  15. #90
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    54.) In this holiday edition, remember when it comes to the cyclist on your list gifts are nice, but itís really the thought that counts. So, spend some quality time thinking about what they might like... then treat yourself to something instead. After all, you just did all that thinking and itís the thought that counts.

    Happy Holidays


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 12-25-2018 at 08:28 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  16. #91
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    My wife gave me 3 pair of sock guy socks! I win!
    Of course I'm sure...that doesn't mean I'm right.....

    "There's no sense being stupid unless you show it."

    "that was like trying to teach a goldfish how to play basketball over the phone."

  17. #92
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    Best advice I ever gave myself, to stop your thighs slapping your post too many Xmas dinners (think of years of dinners) it's easier to buy an endurance fit bike. Try it it works.

  18. #93
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    55.) Seasonal Affective Disorder gotcha' down? Hang in there and find solace in the fact that a few more years of global warming and Minnesota should be a pleasant 72 degrees year round. Meanwhile, those poor bastards in Southern California and Florida will be forced to ride at night lest their fancy-schmancy carbon bikes asplode from the heat.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  19. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by Opus51569 View Post
    55.) Seasonal Affective Disorder gotcha' down? Hang in there and find solace in the fact that a few more years of global warming and Minnesota should be a pleasant 72 degrees year round. Meanwhile, those poor bastards in Southern California and Florida will be forced to ride at night lest their fancy-schmancy carbon bikes asplode from the heat.
    Ö for some reason, your response makes me sad...

  20. #95
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    Quote Originally Posted by Akirasho View Post
    Ö for some reason, your response makes me sad...
    Thatís why I do it. Spreading a little depression, one poast at a time.


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 02-23-2019 at 04:09 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  21. #96
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    56.) When you can venture out, be sure to dress appropriately for the weather conditions. Look at this guy:



    I mean, címon! Shorts?!... short sleeve jersey?!?... with snow flying?!? The dangers of hypothermia are no joke. And how is that bear going to enjoy the hot meal he deserves if the guy heís chasing is a popsicle by the time he catches him? Dress for success people.


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 03-30-2019 at 08:26 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  22. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by Opus51569 View Post
    56.) When you can venture out, be sure to dress appropriately for the weather conditions. Look at this guy:


    I mean, címon! Shorts... short sleeve jersey... with snow flying?! The dangers of hypothermia are no joke. And how is that bear going to enjoy the hot meal he wants if the guy is a popsicle? Dress for success people.


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    I call BS!

    Bear Schitt$

  23. #98
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    57.) Proper rest is important in your training.

    3am to 4am may be "The Witching Hour", but the hour you realize you got up too early... and now that you've been up for a while it's too late to go back to sleep... thatís "The B!tching Hour".

    'Cuz that's what my tired, grumpy ass is going to be doing for the rest of the day.
    Last edited by Opus51569; 03-31-2019 at 12:00 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  24. #99
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    HOT POCKETS sin drome.
    In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
    Ben Franklin -Tis curious and amazing to observe how distinct and independent of each other the rattles of this animal are, and yet how firmly they are united together

  25. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by Opus51569 View Post
    See how easy it is!!!
    SI always wins.
    They do anything just to win a salami in ridiculous races. I take my gear out of the car and put my bike together. Tourists and locals are watching from sidewalk cafes. Non-racers. The emptiness of those lives shocks me. It was the illest of times, it was the dopest of times. And we looked damn good. Actually the autobus broke down somewhere on the Mortirolo.

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