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  1. #76
    Bianchi-Campagnolo
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    19. and 38.

    Thank you.
    They do anything just to win a salami in ridiculous races. I take my gear out of the car and put my bike together. Tourists and locals are watching from sidewalk cafes. Non-racers. The emptiness of those lives shocks me. It was the illest of times, it was the dopest of times. And we looked damn good. Actually the autobus broke down somewhere on the Mortirolo.

  2. #77
    What the what???
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    44.) Confused about what pressure to run in those tires? Here’s a simple formula guaranteed to give you the correct pressure every time.

    a.) Start with your tire width (in millimeters)
    b.) Multiply by 2 (because there’s two of them... duh)
    c.) Subtract your age (if you get a negative number, don’t panic... but do make sure you have a Will, cuz... you’re old)
    d.) Add the number of bikes you own +1
    e.) Multiply that number by your weight (rounded to the nearest stone)
    f.) Now, we need to convert bars to psi, so multiply that number by .0689476
    g.) Take the square route of that:

    (ha! Strava humor) and... voila! You have your optimal tire pressure.

    For me, its 32psi. all day long.


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 08-23-2018 at 10:21 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

  3. #78
    Bianchi-Campagnolo
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    42 for me. Bar.
    They do anything just to win a salami in ridiculous races. I take my gear out of the car and put my bike together. Tourists and locals are watching from sidewalk cafes. Non-racers. The emptiness of those lives shocks me. It was the illest of times, it was the dopest of times. And we looked damn good. Actually the autobus broke down somewhere on the Mortirolo.

  4. #79
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    45.) I like waking up on the bike. What I don’t like is waking up on the bike with a dead hooker draped across the bars. Do you have any idea how long it takes to dig a shallow grave with a multi-tool??? Seriously. Do you? Cuz, Jeebus, I’ve already been at this for, like, an hour...
    Last edited by Opus51569; 08-23-2018 at 10:32 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

  5. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by kbwh View Post
    42 for me. Bar.
    See how easy it is!!!
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

  6. #81
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    46.) Zwift is really just PornHub for cyclists.


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    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

  7. #82
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    47.) Why does anyone carry a water bottle? A bottle is a hollow cylinder you put water in. But you have a bike with a frame and forks made of hollow cylinders, don’t you??? A little caulk... some long bendy straws... and you're riding a water bottle. Hellloooo. Do I have to think of everything?

    Of course, if you’re on your winter wood/kindling bike, a bottle may still be necessary... unless it's bamboo.


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 09-09-2018 at 05:44 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

  8. #83
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    48.) When your wife has to pick you up from a ride, no amount of explaining will ever make up for innocently referring to her as the “sag wagon”...

    Just make sure the dog house you’ll be living in has room for your bikes.

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    Last edited by Opus51569; 09-08-2018 at 09:48 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

  9. #84
    Frog Whisperer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Opus51569 View Post
    48.) When your wife has to pick you up from a ride, no amount of explaining will ever make up for innocently referring to her as the “sag wagon”...

    Just make sure the dog house you’ll be living in has room for your bikes.

    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    More rep in the rep bank!

  10. #85
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    49.) Aero is all about decreasing resistance and being slippery in the wind. Vaseline works well but Crisco, or even olive oil will do in a pinch. The trick is getting a nice even coat. Just be careful around the tires and braking surfaces. You’ll only make that mistake once.


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 09-12-2018 at 03:43 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

  11. #86
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    50.) You can use expensive lubes on your chain. Or, you can just do what I do and use a home-brew. Sure, chain hops can be a problem sometimes, but it's a good malt-ernative... [NOTE: The remainder of this post has been deleted for violating this forum's prohibition of awful puns.]

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    Last edited by Opus51569; 10-05-2018 at 10:01 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

  12. #87
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    51.) I have been "asked" (read: legally compelled) to compose the following statement:

    "On behalf of RoadBikeReview, their parent company, Giant Specialized Velocipedes for Trekking Inc. LLC., and their parent company, The Chubb Group...

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    I (insert name here) offer my sincere apology to the readers of this thread for my egregious and unwarranted use of puns in the previous post.

    "Chain hops" "malt-ernative"???

    Puns, as we all know, are nothing but skid marks on the underwear of comedy. They have no place in our discourse and must therefore be shunned and rejected wherever they appear. I see now that my misguided attempt at humor was deeply hurtful not just to cyclists, but beer drinkers of all persuasions.

    I hope you will accept my humble apology and continue to patronize this site as well as the many fine advertisers and businesses that support it. I have no excuse for my actions and can only say in my defense that I was wheelie, wheelie, tired... [NOTE: The remainder of this post has been deleted for violating this forum's prohibition of awful puns.]
    Last edited by Opus51569; 10-06-2018 at 10:07 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

  13. #88
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    After a forced posting time-out for egregious use of puns, it looks like I'm no longer persona non grata around here. Ahhh. It's good to be back. Let's not waste any time...

    52.) The holidays are right around the corner. So, what do you get the riding buddy on your list who has everything? A new bike? Nah. They already have n+1. Tools? They have so many their name might as well be Park.

    Consider a gift certificate for a free hand-job. Betcha they don't have one of those in their stocking.
    Last edited by Opus51569; 4 Weeks Ago at 06:52 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

  14. #89
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    53.) The winter doldrums are fast approaching. Months of riding the spin bike in the basement watching recordings of the Tour, the Giro, or the Vuelta. Once in a while, try spicing things up by watching an action movie, a comedy, or porn. It’s great for hitting your target heart rate, but be careful with the porn. High speed cadence and a massive erection don’t always mix.

    Two words: Peyronie’s Disease...


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 4 Weeks Ago at 04:30 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy... wait.

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