• 05-31-2019
    SPlKE
    63) Sometimes the devil makes me feel like posting a question about whether I should inflate my tires to the manufacturer's maximum recommended pressure... in the General Cycling forum, just so cx can show us the full spectrum of his tough love.

    Lettuce pray.
  • 06-26-2019
    Opus51569
    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style
    64.) Headphones? Spotify on the cellphone? Bluetooth speakers mounted on the handlebars??? What the hell is wrong with you? You're denying yourselves a huge part of the sensory experience of riding a bike:
    • the squeal of nearly dry bearings gouging a bearing race
    • the grinding of gritty chain links through a filthy derailleur
    • the creak of a press-fit bottom bracket or an aluminum seat post about to snap
    And what about the glories of nature, huh???
    • the screech of an angry red-wing blackbird inches from your ear
    • the pleasant hum of a hornet trapped in your helmet
    • Charlie, the rabid Chihuahua, snarling and yapping as he once again tries to chase you down and feast on your ankles
    You're missing out on all of this! And for what? I like "The Piña Colada Song" as much as the next guy... but there's a time and a place, people.
  • 06-27-2019
    Opus51569
    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style
    65.) As anyone who rides the MUTs in the midwestern hinterlands can attest...

    There is only one rabbit in the world.

    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...d365e35cb5.jpg
    Her name is Bun-bun.
    And no matter how fast you ride she will always manage to be ahead of you on the trail...


    Oh, there’s also only one chipmunk...
    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...54249a0e57.jpg
    His name is Reggie.
    But he’s a dick so we don’t talk about him.

    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  • 07-03-2019
    Opus51569
    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style
    66.) Two silent sentries... standing guard... ever vigilant.

    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...78ed7807cf.jpg
    I will tell you I pass these turkeys frequently on my usual out-and-back ride. What I won’t tell you is how many times I passed them before I realized they weren’t real.

    “What an odd coincidence. Those turkeys are in the same place they were when I rode by yesterday...”


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  • 07-04-2019
    Opus51569
    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style
    67.) Speaking of things I see on the trail. These have been popping up more frequently:

    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...52beb7b36e.jpg
    (the visors, not the disembodied mannequin heads)
    Which for riders of a certain age invariably calls to mind images of:
    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...61f5d07ef0.jpg
    or
    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...f29b03ee44.jpg



    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  • 07-12-2019
    Opus51569
    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style
    68.) Hey kids! It's time once again to dip into the ol' mail bag:

    --------------------
    Dear Opus,

    I want to take up cycling, but I fear that once global warming melts the polar ice caps there won't be much road left to ride on. Any suggestions?

    Signed,
    Amphibious in Seattle
    -------------------

    Dear Amphibious in Seattle,

    As my pappy used to say: "Where there's a will, there's a way... and usually a dead person”. Sure, you can rent pedal boats that allow you to ride on the water. But what you really need is something like this:

    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bFhnt3JUuL8" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

    So once the prophecy of 1995's Waterworld comes true... and assuming we don't all spontaneously grow gills like Kevin Costner did... you're still covered.

    XXOO,
    Opus
  • 07-12-2019
    SPlKE
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Opus51569 View Post
    67.) Speaking of things I see on the trail. These have been popping up more frequently:


    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...f29b03ee44.jpg



    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

    Seester Berrtreeel!

    I always imagined a perfect mashup wherein Sister Bertrille would go surfing Gidget-style... modest two-piece bathing suit of course, with her flying hat on.


    https://thewritelife61.files.wordpre...pg?w=427&h=320 + https://image.tmdb.org/t/p/w500_and_...neuJ7ATQTN.jpg = Best show ever
  • 07-23-2019
    Opus51569
    69.) hehehehehehehe... 69... hehehehehehe...
  • 07-23-2019
    Opus51569
    70.) Australian Aboriginies coined the phrase "three-dog-night" to describe a night so cold that you would need three dogs with you to keep warm.

    Here, it's the "three-rag-ride"; a ride so warm and humid that you'll need three do-rags/bandanas/sweat bands to make it home without the salt burning your eyes out of your head.
  • 07-23-2019
    Eretz
    The flying Nun modern.

    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/x7g_SWE90O8" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>
  • 07-27-2019
    Touch0Gray
    I was going through my old lit, and my seafoam, lounge shorts (actually bibs) are no longer fit to wear in:

    A.) mixed company
    B.) public
    C.) all of the above
  • 07-28-2019
    Opus51569
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Touch0Gray View Post
    I was going through my old lit, and my seafoam, lounge shorts (actually bibs) are no longer fit to wear in:

    A.) mixed company
    B.) public
    C.) all of the above

    D.) You’ll know when the police arrive.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  • 08-12-2019
    Opus51569
    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style
    71.) Spare parts bin getting a bit overcrowded? I have two words for you: Re purpose

    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...a12eca4848.jpg

    I've taken to calling him Richard Gear.

    I really shouldn’t be left alone unsupervised.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  • 08-15-2019
    Opus51569
    72.) There is a portion of my typical morning ride which, depending on the direction of the wind on any given day, is the bane of my riding existence. It is a long steady uphill grade... just a few degrees of incline... but if the wind is out of the north, it is soul destroying.

    But here's the thing. No matter how bad it is... no matter how hard the headwind blows... if you persevere, eventually you reach the top and get to turn the bike around. And once you do the wind stops and the constant rushing in your ears is replaced by blissful calm and quiet. Before you lies a long straight downhill run with the wind at your back. In my head, I call it the "Weeeee" ride, because every time I make that turn I am suddenly 9 years old again, having slogged up a snowy hill pulling my sled so that I could revel once again in the free, fast and all-too-short plunge back down the hill...

    No silliness this time. Just an observation.
  • 08-16-2019
    Touch0Gray
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Opus51569 View Post
    72.) There is a portion of my typical morning ride which, depending on the direction of the wind on any given day, is the bane of my riding existence. It is a long steady uphill grade... just a few degrees of incline... but if the wind is out of the north, it is soul destroying.

    But here's the thing. No matter how bad it is... no matter how hard the headwind blows... if you persevere, eventually you reach the top and get to turn the bike around. And once you do the wind stops and the constant rushing in your ears is replaced by blissful calm and quiet. Before you lies a long straight downhill run with the wind at your back. In my head, I call it the "Weeeee" ride, because every time I make that turn I am suddenly 9 years old again, having slogged up a snowy hill pulling my sled so that I could revel once again in the free, fast and all-to-short plunge back down the hill...

    No silliness this time. Just an observation.

    Which is 10% of the time, the rest, as you crest the rise, the wind shifts 180 degrees and even though you have a descent, you still have the headwind!
  • 08-16-2019
    SPlKE
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Touch0Gray View Post
    Which is 10% of the time, the rest, as you crest the rise, the wind shifts 180 degrees and even though you have a descent, you still have the headwind!

    I tend to pick the time of day during which the wind shifts. I get a headwind both ways. It's like when I had to walk uphill both ways to school, but for reals.
  • 08-26-2019
    DocRogers
    You know who your friends are when they (whilst following you in a paceline) inform you that your bibs are, um, past their prime.
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Touch0Gray View Post
    I was going through my old lit, and my seafoam, lounge shorts (actually bibs) are no longer fit to wear in:

    A.) mixed company
    B.) public
    C.) all of the above

  • 08-26-2019
    Touch0Gray
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by DocRogers View Post
    You know who your friends are when they (whilst following you in a paceline) inform you that your bibs are, um, past their prime.

    Yeah, we were giving BJ a lot of crap on the first Lounge Ragbrai!
  • 11-17-2019
    Opus51569
    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style
    73.) I get it. You want to be safe, but your helmet makes you look like a dork.

    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...eb18875419.jpg

    Problem solved. And before you go all “Oh, hey, nice *cough, cough, racist* helmet, Opus”...

    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...c935bb10f1.jpg


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  • 11-17-2019
    ogre
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by SPlKE View Post
    63) Sometimes the devil makes me feel like posting a question about whether I should inflate my tires to the manufacturer's maximum recommended pressure... in the General Cycling forum, just so cx can show us the full spectrum of his tough love.

    Lettuce pray.

    Be sure to abuse an apostrophe and you’ll get twice the bang for the buck.
  • 11-18-2019
    SPlKE
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ogre View Post
    Be sure to abuse an apostrophe and you’ll get twice the bang for the buck.

    I'll add this to the many piece's of great advice on this thread.
  • 01-03-2020
    Opus51569
    74.) N+1+1+1+1+1...

    <iframe src="https://giphy.com/embed/gdZnlXv9cvDWicx5re" width="480" height="335" frameborder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>

    <iframe src="https://giphy.com/embed/SY8gcA6QdECSkVGXYG" width="480" height="327" frameborder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>

    <iframe src="https://giphy.com/embed/RIw9klUrY5AgIKVxiR" width="480" height="328" frameborder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>

    <iframe src="https://giphy.com/embed/Xd7B9L2sZEXX7PUcfV" width="480" height="331" frameborder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>

    <iframe src="https://giphy.com/embed/ghOYDZxOofTibxQzHC" width="480" height="331" frameborder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>

    <iframe src="https://giphy.com/embed/QVJdTqGsBEYBU4fx4g" width="480" height="339" frameborder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>

    <iframe src="https://giphy.com/embed/Ln3y06tXlMQGg6cvr8" width="480" height="326" frameborder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
  • 03-18-2020
    Opus51569
    75.) Coronavirus Pandemic got 'ya down? Worried that the world is hurtling toward a lawless, disease-ridden hellscape that makes the biblical apocalypse seem like a Punky Brewster Christmas Special??? Take heart. If you're old enough to understand the reference, then you know Punky Brewster was the apocalypse... If we could make it through that, we'll make it through this.
  • 03-18-2020
    Opus51569
    76.) I just ran the numbers and I feel perfectly justified in declaring myself the winner of the 2020 Paris-Roubaix. Please mark the Wikipedia page accordingly.

    Potential sponsors should contact me via PM to discuss endorsement deals and where to send swag.
  • 03-20-2020
    Opus51569
    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style
    77.) Uh oh. Richard Gear just got an upgrade...

    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...53420a94b9.jpg