Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style - Page 6
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  1. #126
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    63) Sometimes the devil makes me feel like posting a question about whether I should inflate my tires to the manufacturer's maximum recommended pressure... in the General Cycling forum, just so cx can show us the full spectrum of his tough love.

    Lettuce pray.

  2. #127
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    64.) Headphones? Spotify on the cellphone? Bluetooth speakers mounted on the handlebars??? What the hell is wrong with you? You're denying yourselves a huge part of the sensory experience of riding a bike:
    • the squeal of nearly dry bearings gouging a bearing race
    • the grinding of gritty chain links through a filthy derailleur
    • the creak of a press-fit bottom bracket or an aluminum seat post about to snap
    And what about the glories of nature, huh???
    • the screech of an angry red-wing blackbird inches from your ear
    • the pleasant hum of a hornet trapped in your helmet
    • Charlie, the rabid Chihuahua, snarling and yapping as he once again tries to chase you down and feast on your ankles
    You're missing out on all of this! And for what? I like "The Piña Colada Song" as much as the next guy... but there's a time and a place, people.
    Last edited by Opus51569; 06-27-2019 at 08:07 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  3. #128
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    65.) As anyone who rides the MUTs in the midwestern hinterlands can attest...

    There is only one rabbit in the world.


    Her name is Bun-bun.
    And no matter how fast you ride she will always manage to be ahead of you on the trail...


    Oh, there’s also only one chipmunk...

    His name is Reggie.
    But he’s a dick so we don’t talk about him.

    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    Last edited by Opus51569; 06-28-2019 at 04:28 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  4. #129
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    66.) Two silent sentries... standing guard... ever vigilant.


    I will tell you I pass these turkeys frequently on my usual out-and-back ride. What I won’t tell you is how many times I passed them before I realized they weren’t real.

    “What an odd coincidence. Those turkeys are in the same place they were when I rode by yesterday...”


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 07-03-2019 at 11:02 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  5. #130
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    67.) Speaking of things I see on the trail. These have been popping up more frequently:


    (the visors, not the disembodied mannequin heads)
    Which for riders of a certain age invariably calls to mind images of:

    or




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    Last edited by Opus51569; 07-04-2019 at 08:48 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  6. #131
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    68.) Hey kids! It's time once again to dip into the ol' mail bag:

    --------------------
    Dear Opus,

    I want to take up cycling, but I fear that once global warming melts the polar ice caps there won't be much road left to ride on. Any suggestions?

    Signed,
    Amphibious in Seattle
    -------------------

    Dear Amphibious in Seattle,

    As my pappy used to say: "Where there's a will, there's a way... and usually a dead person”. Sure, you can rent pedal boats that allow you to ride on the water. But what you really need is something like this:



    So once the prophecy of 1995's Waterworld comes true... and assuming we don't all spontaneously grow gills like Kevin Costner did... you're still covered.

    XXOO,
    Opus
    Last edited by Opus51569; 07-12-2019 at 07:02 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  7. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by Opus51569 View Post
    67.) Speaking of things I see on the trail. These have been popping up more frequently:






    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    Seester Berrtreeel!

    I always imagined a perfect mashup wherein Sister Bertrille would go surfing Gidget-style... modest two-piece bathing suit of course, with her flying hat on.


    + = Best show ever
    Last edited by SPlKE; 07-12-2019 at 06:38 AM.

  8. #133
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    69.) hehehehehehehe... 69... hehehehehehe...
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  9. #134
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    70.) Australian Aboriginies coined the phrase "three-dog-night" to describe a night so cold that you would need three dogs with you to keep warm.

    Here, it's the "three-rag-ride"; a ride so warm and humid that you'll need three do-rags/bandanas/sweat bands to make it home without the salt burning your eyes out of your head.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  10. #135
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    The flying Nun modern.

    In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
    Ben Franklin -Tis curious and amazing to observe how distinct and independent of each other the rattles of this animal are, and yet how firmly they are united together

  11. #136
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    I was going through my old lit, and my seafoam, lounge shorts (actually bibs) are no longer fit to wear in:

    A.) mixed company
    B.) public
    C.) all of the above
    Of course I'm sure...that doesn't mean I'm right.....

    "There's no sense being stupid unless you show it."

    "that was like trying to teach a goldfish how to play basketball over the phone."

  12. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by Touch0Gray View Post
    I was going through my old lit, and my seafoam, lounge shorts (actually bibs) are no longer fit to wear in:

    A.) mixed company
    B.) public
    C.) all of the above
    D.) You’ll know when the police arrive.


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    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  13. #138
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    Lownje Shorts - NNC wisdom Lownje Style

    71.) Spare parts bin getting a bit overcrowded? I have two words for you: Re purpose



    I've taken to calling him Richard Gear.

    I really shouldn’t be left alone unsupervised.


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    Last edited by Opus51569; 08-15-2019 at 07:08 PM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  14. #139
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    72.) There is a portion of my typical morning ride which, depending on the direction of the wind on any given day, is the bane of my riding existence. It is a long steady uphill grade... just a few degrees of incline... but if the wind is out of the north, it is soul destroying.

    But here's the thing. No matter how bad it is... no matter how hard the headwind blows... if you persevere, eventually you reach the top and get to turn the bike around. And once you do the wind stops and the constant rushing in your ears is replaced by blissful calm and quiet. Before you lies a long straight downhill run with the wind at your back. In my head, I call it the "Weeeee" ride, because every time I make that turn I am suddenly 9 years old again, having slogged up a snowy hill pulling my sled so that I could revel once again in the free, fast and all-too-short plunge back down the hill...

    No silliness this time. Just an observation.
    Last edited by Opus51569; 08-16-2019 at 08:18 AM.
    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  15. #140
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    Quote Originally Posted by Opus51569 View Post
    72.) There is a portion of my typical morning ride which, depending on the direction of the wind on any given day, is the bane of my riding existence. It is a long steady uphill grade... just a few degrees of incline... but if the wind is out of the north, it is soul destroying.

    But here's the thing. No matter how bad it is... no matter how hard the headwind blows... if you persevere, eventually you reach the top and get to turn the bike around. And once you do the wind stops and the constant rushing in your ears is replaced by blissful calm and quiet. Before you lies a long straight downhill run with the wind at your back. In my head, I call it the "Weeeee" ride, because every time I make that turn I am suddenly 9 years old again, having slogged up a snowy hill pulling my sled so that I could revel once again in the free, fast and all-to-short plunge back down the hill...

    No silliness this time. Just an observation.
    Which is 10% of the time, the rest, as you crest the rise, the wind shifts 180 degrees and even though you have a descent, you still have the headwind!
    Of course I'm sure...that doesn't mean I'm right.....

    "There's no sense being stupid unless you show it."

    "that was like trying to teach a goldfish how to play basketball over the phone."

  16. #141
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    Quote Originally Posted by Touch0Gray View Post
    Which is 10% of the time, the rest, as you crest the rise, the wind shifts 180 degrees and even though you have a descent, you still have the headwind!
    I tend to pick the time of day during which the wind shifts. I get a headwind both ways. It's like when I had to walk uphill both ways to school, but for reals.

  17. #142
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    You know who your friends are when they (whilst following you in a paceline) inform you that your bibs are, um, past their prime.
    Quote Originally Posted by Touch0Gray View Post
    I was going through my old lit, and my seafoam, lounge shorts (actually bibs) are no longer fit to wear in:

    A.) mixed company
    B.) public
    C.) all of the above

  18. #143
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    Quote Originally Posted by DocRogers View Post
    You know who your friends are when they (whilst following you in a paceline) inform you that your bibs are, um, past their prime.
    Yeah, we were giving BJ a lot of crap on the first Lounge Ragbrai!
    Of course I'm sure...that doesn't mean I'm right.....

    "There's no sense being stupid unless you show it."

    "that was like trying to teach a goldfish how to play basketball over the phone."

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