Mid year review in 15 minutes
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  1. #1
    Seat's not level
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    Mid year review in 15 minutes

    I wonder what the h3ll he's going to pull out of his azz this time.

    No matter what you do, or how well they have to find somehting to screw you on.

    A rectal exam would be more welcome. At least they use some lube...
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  2. #2
    Shrewdest Unit Mover
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    Did you write it yourself?
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  3. #3
    still shedding season
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny Cash
    Well they're building a gallows outside my cell I've got 25 minutes to go
    And the whole town's waitin' just to hear me yell I've got 24 minutes to go
    Well they gave me some beans for my last meal I've got 23 minutes to go
    But nobody asked me how I feel I've got 22 minutes to go
    Well I sent for the governor and the whole dern bunch with 21 minutes to go
    And I sent for the mayor but he's out to lunch I've got 20 more minutes to go
    Then the sheriff said boy I gonna watch you die got 19 minutes to go
    So I laughed in his face and I spit in his eye got 18 minutes to go
    Now hear comes the preacher for to save my soul with 13 minutes to go
    And he's talking bout' burnin' but I'm so cold I've 12 more minutes to go
    Now they're testin' the trap and it chills my spine 11 more minutes to go
    And the trap and the rope aw they work just fine got 10 more minutes to go
    Well I'm waitin' on the pardon that'll set me free with 9 more minutes to go
    But this is for real so forget about me got 8 more minutes to go
    With my feet on the trap and my head on the noose got 5 more minutes to go
    Won't somebody come and cut me loose with 4 more minutes to go
    I can see the mountains I can see the skies with 3 more minutes to go
    And it's to dern pretty for a man that don't wanna die 2 more minutes to go
    I can see the buzzards I can hear the crows 1 more minute to go
    And now I'm swingin' and here I go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
    Couldn'ta said it any better myself...

  4. #4
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    Since when is September mid year? Or is this based on fiscal year?

  5. #5
    Seat's not level
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    Quote Originally Posted by empty_set
    Did you write it yourself?
    Not the mid year. For the end of the year, we have to submit our own assesment. Then they pick anything that can be construed as negative and use only that.

    Good news is that our muckety muck at the top will be leaving in a few weeks. He was/is the cause of most of the discontent in the division.
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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chain

    At least they use some lube...
    They? Sounds thorough... and lube, nice touch.

  7. #7
    Seat's not level
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    Quote Originally Posted by bike_guy
    Since when is September mid year? Or is this based on fiscal year?
    Nope calendar year and they were due in July

    Odds are I will get nailed for being late for something by a few hours.
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  8. #8
    Shrewdest Unit Mover
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    Quote Originally Posted by bike_guy
    Since when is September mid year? Or is this based on fiscal year?
    I expect mine to be at the end of Sept. or beginning of Oct. and ours are based on calendar year.
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  9. #9
    Seat's not level
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chain
    Nope calendar year and they were due in July

    Odds are I will get nailed for being late for something by a few hours.
    He's 10 minutes late already....probably my fault.
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  10. #10
    Shrewdest Unit Mover
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chain
    He's 10 minutes late already....probably my fault.
    I think we have the same "manager."
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  11. #11
    "El Bwana"
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    My favorites after being told that everything you did was exemplary, but "I have to ding you for something".

    1) "Not a team player". (You mean my 70 hours of billable hours per week for a year wasn't enough to keep the Group's boutique, money-losing projects afloat?)

    2) "Need better communication skills". (Um, OK. I'm stuck on a boat in the middle of a Texas bay for 14 hours a day, you won't authorize me to get a cell phone and the one time I used a marine operator you told me the company wouldn't pay the charges).

    3) "Needs better attitude". (Well, duh.)
    "Pardon me, but could you help out a fellow American who's down on his luck?"

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by PDex
    My favorites after being told that everything you did was exemplary, but "I have to ding you for something".

    1) "Not a team player". (You mean my 70 hours of billable hours per week for a year wasn't enough to keep the Group's boutique, money-losing projects afloat?)

    2) "Need better communication skills". (Um, OK. I'm stuck on a boat in the middle of a Texas bay for 14 hours a day, you won't authorize me to get a cell phone and the one time I used a marine operator you told me the company wouldn't pay the charges).

    3) "Needs better attitude". (Well, duh.)
    I get dinged for all of those.

    Not at team player - we are a group of 4 all with different skills working on completely different things. We really aren't a team, just a collection of individual contributors that pretty much like to do their thing and leave the others alone.

    Need better communication skills - No matter how many times I tell things to my boss he doesn't understand. Nor does he want to, but it's my fault.

    Needs better attitude. - absolutely. Sorry I saved your sorry azz twice last year, but that doesnt' count, because I told someone no when they wanted to make the 10,000th change on their system that was .... changing the font on a financial program so it 'looked nicer'.

    KMA
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  13. #13
    Alien Musician
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    We found out that they can't rate anyone above three "exceeds expectations" because they'd then have to promote you according to corporate policies and there is nowhere to promote any of us since they're not allowed to hire anyone in the positions above us because the economy sucks.

    Welcome to Corporate Amerika!
    my music is online at aliensporebomb dot com yes indeed.
    my twitter for those bored: http://www.twitter.com/aliensporebomb

  14. #14
    Seat's not level
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    Quote Originally Posted by aliensporebomb
    We found out that they can't rate anyone above three "exceeds expectations" because they'd then have to promote you according to corporate policies and there is nowhere to promote any of us since they're not allowed to hire anyone in the positions above us because the economy sucks.

    Welcome to Corporate Amerika!
    Same here. We hire only the "Best and Brightest". (then beat them down until everyone is average). We also can't get anything above "meets expectations". In my last annual, I asked my boss if one of the projects ended up better than he thought it would. "Yes it did" was his response. Then I asked him if my rating would be "exceeded expectation". "Uhhhhhhh no" was the answer. Then he went digging to find somehting to ding me on. azzhat !
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  15. #15
    KWL
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    What? No review yet? He's over an hour late!
    Ken
    P.J. O'Rourke: The Internet - whose idea was it to put all the idiots on earth in touch with each other?

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by KWL
    What? No review yet? He's over an hour late!
    rescheduled until this afternoon.
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  17. #17
    Mehpic
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chain
    rescheduled until Friday at 4:30 pm.

    FIFY!!!
    catzilla: I wish we were all a little more invincible.

    The NEGU Foundation: Caring for Courageous Kids http://www.thenegufoundation.org/

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2cflyr
    FIFY!!!
    Na, layoffs are always done on Thursday at 2pm.....

    Good thing my meeting is today at 2pm....

    Oh hai wait....
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  19. #19
    Moderatus Puisne
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    Whacky stuff.

    We don't have mid-year reviews, and the yearly reviews I've gotten have always been positive.

    Of course, our wages are frozen and we can't give you an exception...

  20. #20
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    I killed my performance appraisal this year.

    got an EXCEEDS in 5 of 6 categories.

    of course, we're under a salary freeze due to budget cuts. I asked for some PTO instead of raise and got laughed at...

    it's all just a game.
    Ancient Astronaut theorists say, 'YES!'

  21. #21
    hit it
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    Outcome? Inquiring minds want to know.
    Quote Originally Posted by Scotty2Hotty View Post
    But I'm not a douche. I'm awesome.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by NUTT
    Outcome? Inquiring minds want to know.
    It was supposed to be 15-20 minutes. Ended up being about 50 minutes.

    Some more unrealistic goals were added. I'm supposed to purchase a budgeting system and have it up and running by the end of this month. Yea, it's only a couple hundred grand, and we don't have any training budget.... or capital budget. And the last time we implemented a system it took 9 months. yea, a couple days ought to be enough.

    Communication is better. (I quit talking to my boss as much as possible, but make it be seen that I'm chatting with co-workers) Pretty much rewarded for goofing off. That doesn't make any sense.

    Tried to explain that just because I don't whine about my work, that it's not easier than my co-irkers wo constantly put out crap products and are then heros when they fix what the f-'d up in the first place. He didn't understand.
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  23. #23
    i like whiskey
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    Anytime Corp HR/payroll gets involved, it's gonna be a cluster. And it doesn't matter how good you are, your raise, if you get one, will make sure you remain in your pay grade. If you are an excellent performer and always have been, you will get 2.9% raise. Poor performers who are always a colossal PITA and produce crap work will get a 2.7% raise.

    Nice incentive to work.

    My mid-year review "ding" was something like the developers don't feel you know the system well enough. Hmm. You mean the system that I am expected to demo, write functional specs for, configure and install for our client but has not been delivered by the same development team which is 3 months behind schedule with zero documentation? Yes, that's the system. OK. At least we are all clear on that. Thanks.

    Chain, did you get a raise?

  24. #24
    Clyde-o-Matic
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    IBM/Cognos or Oracle/Hyperion? Either one is 6-9 months for a simple install or 6-12 for a tough one.

    And unless you get rid of the lower levels of detail, they all are still a pain in the a$$ to administer. Get the finance folks to take as much ownership as possible.

  25. #25
    Clyde-o-Matic
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    Oh and if it is any consolation, it has been 27 months since I had my last mandatory annual review.

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