Saw 'The Dead Don't Die'...
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  1. #1
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    Saw 'The Dead Don't Die'...

    TLDR review version: Sucks. Sucks hard. Avoid at all costs.

    Regular review version: Sigh. Never has such an interesting cast (Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Steve Buscemi, Iggy Pop, Tom Waits, Carol Kane, Danny Glover, RZA) been assembled to do so little in the service of a film and director who care not at all.

    To call The Dead Don't Die lazy and self-indulgent would be a nasty, unfair insult to actually lazy and self-indulgent films.

    SPOILERS FOLLOW (but you don't wanna see this bomb anyway, trust me):

    This is a movie that thinks Adam Driver tooling around in a red convertible SMART car is hilarious.

    This is a movie that thinks that an Iggy Pop zombie holding a pot of coffee and moaning, "Coffeeeeee" is hilarious.

    This is a movie that thinks Bill Murray and Adam Driver discussing that they know how the movie ends "because they read the script" is hilarious.

    This is a movie that thinks that everyone speaking without energy in an eternal deadpan monotone lends a lot to the proceedings (yes, we get it, small-town residents are kinda zombies already, hurh hurh hurh). Most especially Murray, who underplays his usual underplaying so hard that his dialogue could replace horse tranquilizers.

    This is a movie that has Tilda Swinton being beamed up by a UFO for no reason at all, except to be odd and 'arch'.

    This is a movie that can't really decide what tone it wants to use, or if it even has one.

    And this is a movie that doesn't know how to end, so it just kills everyone off and has a hermit-Tom-Waits (vaguely looking like The Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz) then make a brief, unmemorable speech about materialism that isn't convincingly tied into any theme in the movie up to that point (and one which was done much better 40 years ago in George Romero's Dawn of the Dead).

    Yes, the LOLZ are actually on us. Zero stars (out of four).

    It's so completely uninspired that it's not even worth analyzing further (it'd be more effort than writer-director Jim Jarmusch apparently put into it), nor is it one of those 'so bad it's good' works that come out from time to to time, 'cuz even those require someone at the helm who actually cares about the proceedings.

    In other words, the true ghoul is sitting in the director's chair, and the only memorable joke is on the audience. Avoid.






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    Last edited by SystemShock; 06-18-2019 at 08:13 AM. Reason: spoilers warning
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  2. #2
    What the what???
    Reputation: Opus51569's Avatar
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    Sounds less like a film and more like a stream of memes coming to an internet near you...


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    The Law of Headwinds states: If the ride out is easy you better leave something in the tank for the turn...

  3. #3
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    I guess I'm glad I hadn't heard of it. There's a similar movie with Neil Young that's barely, actually not even, watchable on Netflix or Amazon.

  4. #4
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    You suck.. I wanted to see it and had high hopes.. I'll probably still see it, just wait for it to come out and "acquire" it and watch it at home.

  5. #5
    Opus was just napping
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    Quote Originally Posted by SystemShock View Post
    TLDR

    And this is a movie that doesn't know how to end, so it just kills everyone off and has a hermit-Tom-Waits (vaguely looking like The Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz) then make a brief, unmemorable speech about materialism that wasn't really tied into any theme in the movie up to that point. Yes, the LOLZ is on us.

    .
    Dude spoilers
    In the time of battle you don't rise to the occasion you resort to the level of your conditioning...

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by thatsmybush View Post
    Dude spoilers
    Fixed. But, were you really gonna see this piece of cat-litter-box leavings?
    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  7. #7
    Opus was just napping
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    Quote Originally Posted by SystemShock View Post
    Fixed. But, were you really gonna see this piece of cat-litter-box leavings?
    .
    Nope, was just being spoiler nazi.

    Luke is Darth Vader's son.
    In the time of battle you don't rise to the occasion you resort to the level of your conditioning...

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by thatsmybush View Post
    Nope, was just being spoiler nazi.

    Luke is Darth Vader's son.
    My 1980's self is slack-jawed with shock.
    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  9. #9
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    I was interested because of the cast, but even the trailer was lame.

    I'll rewatch Shaun of the Dead or Tucker and Dale vs Evil instead if I want a silly "horror" movie.

  10. #10
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    Bill Murray was ok in Zombieland.

    shoulda quit the genre there...
    Ancient Astronaut theorists say, 'YES!'

  11. #11
    Cat 6
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    This is a bummer

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oxtox View Post
    Bill Murray was ok in Zombieland.

    shoulda quit the genre there...
    The sequel, Zombieland: Double Tap, comes out in October, and Murray's in it.

    No, not kidding. Hope it doesn't suck. I liked the first one.
    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  13. #13
    Master debator.
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    Sorry you had to suffer through that. I might see a movie this weekend, not sure which, maybe the Marvel movie despite bad reviews just because my wife is away and she doesn't want to see it.
    "I felt bad because I couldn't wheelie; until I met a man with no bicycle"

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by nOOky View Post
    Sorry you had to suffer through that. I might see a movie this weekend, not sure which, maybe the Marvel movie despite bad reviews just because my wife is away and she doesn't want to see it.
    Avengers: Endgame was pretty good, if you saw Infinity War and like superhero flicks.

    But the sure thing this upcoming weekend is probably Toy Story 4.

    I myself am interested in hunting down a movie called The Command (Kursk), about the 2000 Russian nuclear submarine disaster. I don't think it's gonna be on too many screens, but we have lots of arty-housey theatres here in the Bay Area that'll show it anyhow.




    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  15. #15
    Master debator.
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    I was thinking of Dark Phoenix.
    "I felt bad because I couldn't wheelie; until I met a man with no bicycle"

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by SystemShock View Post
    The sequel, Zombieland: Double Tap, comes out in October, and Murray's in it.

    No, not kidding. Hope it doesn't suck. I liked the first one.
    .
    you 'hope' it doesn't suck...?

    make a list of all sequels that didn't.
    Ancient Astronaut theorists say, 'YES!'

  17. #17
    Proud luddite
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    As far as summer movies are concerned, I'm looking forward to "Yesterday". Seems like a neat idea and might be funny. It comes to theaters next weekend. My wife is looking forward to "The Lion King" in July, so we'll probably see that one too. I'm a little bummed there is no Dwayne Johnson or Liam Niesen movie this summer....we're suckers for those.

  18. #18
    What the Hell is going on
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    Not a big Jim Jarmusch fan but he did put Joe Strummer in a movie so I give Jim that. Anyway, the only thing I can say about "The Dead Don't Die" is there is a little nod to George Romero at the end of the film when Bill Murray decides not to kill Danny Glover. Cute.

    They should've went full "Deadpool" and break the fourth wall.

    PS. Time travel would have helped.
    You'd think we were here for something other than fun. - Ishmael

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by nOOky View Post
    I was thinking of Dark Phoenix.
    You poor bastid.

    Srsly though, as someone who's read (and loved) the original story in the comics... I'm pretty sure they totally screwed the pooch.

    Though Fassbender, McAvoy and Lawrence probably at least went down swinging, even with the bad script/storyline/direction. They always try their best, even in bad movies.
    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oxtox View Post
    you 'hope' it doesn't suck...?

    make a list of all sequels that didn't [suck].
    Well, let's see... The Godfather Part II, Superman II, Spider-Man 2 (back in the Toby Maguire days), The Empire Strikes Back, Evil Dead 2 (Bruce Campbell at his very best!), Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, X2: X-Men United, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Aliens, Batman: The Dark Knight, Thor: Ragnarok, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, Toy Story 3, Jurassic World (a sequel to Jurassic Park, but JW's recent sequel did, in fact, suck).

    Any questions?

    The dirty little secret of sequels... sometimes, they're actually really good.

    It's the batting average on 'em that's problematic, i.e. pretty low, 'cuz many sequels are indeed just half-assed joyless cash-grabs.
    .
    Monkhouse: I want to go like my Dad did peacefully, in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

    System: Fake news?? Trump's a Fake President, for God's sake.

    Plat: I'd rather fellate a syphilitic goat than own a Cervelo.

    Homer: I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

    Seam: Saw Bjork poop onstage back in the day. It blew my teenage mind


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