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  1. #1
    Strained coccyx etc etc
    Reputation: haiku d'etat's Avatar
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    Question urgent reply

    i figured this was political since it came from africa and stuff.

    before OES awakes in a still-drunken hungover stupor and asks me to "post a pic", i figure i'll post a pic, too.

    Best Regards,

    -J


    BARRISTER EMEKA PHILIP L.L.B. L.L.M B.L
    LEGAL PRACTITIONER AND CONSULTANT
    MEMBER CONSTITUTION DRAFTING COMMITTEE 1995.


    Hello my friend,

    I am calling from Benin republic West Africa. I am Brr.Emeka Philip an
    English speaking Beninois, Solicitor & Financial Attorney/ Consultant. I was
    moved to contact you based on present condition here. There is a foreigner
    who registered with me as his personal attorney and HE WAS A FISHERMAN AS
    WELL AS A ONE TIME SECRET AGENT IN LIFTING OIL TO OVERSEAS FOR OUR FORMER MINISTERS. My client here-in-after referred as my client was also a Diamond/Gold Merchant.

    So, on 2rd June 2000 my client made a numbered time (Fixed) deposit for
    US$5.900,000.00 (Five Million nine Hundred Thousand US Dollars Only) with a BANK here
    in BENIN,with standing statement/agreement with the bank that all
    correspondences in respect to the fixed deposit contract must be sent to him through my
    humble chambers. Upon maturity, the routine notification was sent to
    me, which I dispatched to his forwarding address as usual without no reply.

    After a month, I sent a reminder which I received from the bank without
    any reply again. Finally, I discovered from my client's contract
    employers-that he died among many others on Sept.11, 2001 Terrorist attack. But,he
    died without making any WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin was
    fruitless. I also discovered that he did not declare any kin or relations in all
    his official documents, including his fixed deposit contract with the bank.

    Hencefort,

    I seek your consent to present you to this bank as the next of kin
    based on the official letter I just received from his bankers reminding me
    that BENINOIS LAW states that at the expiration of four(4) years the money
    will revert to the ownership of the BENINOIS Government if I do not confirm
    the next of kin to claim the fund. Consequently, my proposal is that I will
    like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to my deceased
    client since you shares the same surname and also from this same country so
    that the fruits of this old man's labor will not go into the hands of some
    corrupt government officials.

    Note that this transaction is simple and risk free because I will
    provide expert legal services that will guarantee the successful execution of
    this deal. If you are interested, please contact me both via
    email(emekap[email protected]) and Upon your response, I shall provide you with more details and how we shall proceed with the claims.

    I expect you to observe utmost confidentiality and be rest assured that
    this transaction would be profitable for both of us.
    Thanks as I await for your reply.

    Best Regards,

    Barr.Emeka Philip
    BARRISTER EMEKA PHILIP L.L.B. L.L.M B.L
    LEGAL PRACTITIONER AND CONSULTANT
    MEMBER CONSTITUTION DRAFTING COMMITTEE 1995.

    One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

  2. #2
    Shirtcocker
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    an English speaking Beninois, Solicitor & Financial Attorney/ Consultant.
    Did a 5 year old teach him English?
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    "I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark." -S. Hawking

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by J's Haiku Shop
    my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to my deceased client since you shares the same surname and also from this same country so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not go into the hands of some corrupt government officials.
    I had no idea you were from West Africa. Why haven't you brought that up before? What's it like there?
    Last edited by mohair_chair; 03-01-2005 at 09:51 AM.

  4. #4
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    [QUOTE=mohair_chair]
    Quote Originally Posted by J's Haiku Shop
    my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to my deceased client since you shares the same surname and also from this same country so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not go into the hands of some corrupt government officials./QUOTE]

    I had no idea you were from West Africa. Why haven't you brought that up before? What's it like there?
    I think the letter referred to someone living in the US after 9/11.
    "I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark." -S. Hawking

  5. #5
    Opus was just napping
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    Wink

    You Would Be A Fool Not To Do This!!!!
    In the time of battle you don't rise to the occasion you resort to the level of your conditioning...

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bocephus Jones II
    I think the letter referred to someone living in the US after 9/11.
    And that's why I'll never be rich....

  7. #7
    RoadBikeReview Member
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    where do i send my check? this extra 766k is killing me! i'm up at night worrying about it, theres no place to store it and its frikkin green. it doesnt go with any frikkin thing in my house. do you think he'll take a wire transfer?

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by bill105
    where do i send my check? this extra 766k is killing me! i'm up at night worrying about it, theres no place to store it and its frikkin green. it doesnt go with any frikkin thing in my house. do you think he'll take a wire transfer?
    Just stuff the cash into an envelope. If you put a piece of paper in front and back of the cash nobody will ever suspect it's cash and he'll get it fine.
    "I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark." -S. Hawking

  9. #9
    Strained coccyx etc etc
    Reputation: haiku d'etat's Avatar
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    OES always said "please send cash money in the mail, it's the kentucky way". since they have the BEST jelly in kentucky, i always trusted him. plus the fact that i saw on the "on demand food network" last night, that kentucky consumes more campbell's chicken noodle soup than any other place in the country, i figure if we use him as the monetary exchange intermediary, all is well.

    BJ2 is right. just stuff as much as you can in a regular white envelope and put a piece of paper around it. if it takes a bunch of envelopes, just address the top one, and duct tape or rubber-band them all together. post office oughta be able to tell ya how much postage is required.
    One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

  10. #10
    Strained coccyx etc etc
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    another one from my inbox

    Dear Sir,

    IN DESPERATE NEED OF YOUR CO-OPERATION!

    I write you this letter to solicit your help from Prison, as I am in
    dire
    need.
    I am Kelly White, a Captain in The British Army deployed to help
    facilitate
    the forceful change of the Sadam HUSSEIN Regime in Iraq. I have been
    serving
    in Iraq sincethe beginning
    of the war. I was previously attached to a British Military Base in
    Germany
    before my deployment to Iraq. I do hope you are not confused and
    distracted
    by the fact that a strange person is writting you in confidence.
    In the course of my stay in Iraq,I have withnessed so much
    looting from which many colleagues have benefited (in excess of some
    Billions
    of Dollars)and we have also benefit from. I
    decided that I cannot afford to be left out of this great
    opportunity to become a success, after a long hesitation.
    This money is a part of the money that the regime of Sadam
    Hussein,their friends and cronies had stolen and hidden in various
    parts
    of Iraq before the war.It was now the responsibility of the U.S and
    British
    soldiers to search for,recover this money and plough back into the
    governance
    of Iraq. In the proccess,we were able to keep some away for
    ourselves. Thats how the money came about.
    Everything went well until I was accused arrested in 2004 alongside
    other
    colleagues suspected to have abused inmates of prisons under the
    control
    of Allied Forces in Iraq.
    I initially thought that my stay in prison awaiting trial would be
    brief
    but I have spent some months here without any change in my hopeless
    situation!
    Now that I dont know how long I would stay here,and faced with the
    possibility
    of dismissal from the Army if I am found guilty,I have come to reason
    that
    it is only proper
    to try and make some kind of reliable contact who could help me pick up
    and safe-keep this money so that I dont lose everything I have saved
    during
    my stay in Iraq.Who knows;such an opportunity,they say, comes once in a
    lifetime!
    My friends who did it before advised me that I just needed a
    contact(any
    contact) outside Iraq to assure me that he could handle such an amount
    of
    money,after which I would order it to be sent through for safe-keeping.
    I have (hidden safely in Iraq) presently,the sum of US$21.7m. I only
    need
    you,Sir,to guarantie me that I can still get this money back,if it is
    remitted
    to you. I only need a person I can trust to safeguard this money since
    it
    is not possible to leave here and do it myself. All the arragerment to
    transfer
    it to you has been made by me before my arrest.Your only part
    is to receive and safeguard it. We would further discuss on how the
    money
    should be disbursed afterwards.
    For your role in this business,I wish to compensate you
    handsomely on successful conclussion of this assignment.I must only not
    forget to tell you that secrecy and confidentiality in this business is
    very important to both parties. It could put us in serious danger and
    even
    compound my already complex problem, if this information is leaked to a
    third party!It is therefore a matter of great importance to keep this
    secret
    strictly between us even after the successful conclussion of this
    transaction.
    I did not include my phone contact because any other contact is for the
    military prison and therefore,tapped.This e-mail is the only private
    contact
    I
    have here.I implore you to consider this proposal as urgently as
    possible
    and give me a feedback. If you are in favour of my
    proposal,please,do include your PRIVATE contact
    information - phone,fax,e-mail to facilitate a more effective and
    confidential
    communication.
    I implore you to ponder over this proposal as urgently as possible and
    get
    back to me.
    Do not forget to pray fervently for my acquitance.I wish you the best
    as
    I await your reply.
    Thanks,
    Best Regards,
    Kelly White(Capt).
    One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

  11. #11
    Strained coccyx etc etc
    Reputation: haiku d'etat's Avatar
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    "you have wood"...
    Sir,
    I am a lady accountant with a bank here in London. There is a fixed
    deposit of £150,000,000.00 (One Hundred and Fifty Million Pounds
    Starling) made to this bank since 1994 which ten years now and since
    then no clam or withdrawal have been made on that deposit.
    Fortunately, I have been the person working the interest from the day
    of deposit to date. The interesting part of it is that the fixed
    deposit belongs to the late Nigerian dictator General Sani Abach, this
    means that the account may have been abandoned by the surviving family
    members or that they are not even aware of the existence of the
    deposit. However, I just finished updating the interest of the deposit
    this January, and it has come up to £105,000,000.00 at the 7% interest
    rate per annum. It is this interest that I am interested in because I
    know very well that the family will care less on what happens to the
    interest if they want to redeem the deposit, they will be interested
    on the main money, that is if they are able to clam it at all because
    all the money lodged into different banks here in Europe and United
    States are now been claimed by the Nigerian government.
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/3333557.stm Meanwhile, my plan
    is to withdraw just some amount from the accumulated interest, which
    will not even affect the main fixed deposit. I will give you the
    details of procedure and my full ID when I receive your reply and
    indication of partner. Your reward and amount to withdraw will be our
    mutual agreement to avoid any misunderstanding. We have noting to
    lose, we only courage to do this. Sincerely yours, Miss.
    NB:
    I decided to contact a stranger for this deal because of the saying
    that your best friend could be your worst enemy.
    regards

    cynthia wood
    One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

  12. #12
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    funny site

    http://www.ebolamonkeyman.com/
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    "I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark." -S. Hawking

  13. #13
    Strained coccyx etc etc
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    sister anita hanchob, LOL!!!!!!!!!!

    i've seen that site before. nonstop laughs.
    One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

  14. #14
    Ya, what ATP said...!
    Reputation: Fogdweller's Avatar
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    One of many from the trophy room of www.419eater.com. Hours of laughs...


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